CelebrityFIST!

I don’t watch TV and don’t pretend to know what the fuck this show is about.  However I do know Lucy Lawless (she of Xena fame).  Now I didn’t watch that show either, but i know who she is and that’s enough

She’s the blonde in these vidcaps from Spartacus: Blood And Sand the others I don’t know but DAMN that guy looks like he’s having fun, doesn’t he? (more…)

As I write this, Conan O’Brien is hosting his last show of “The Tonight Show“.  I’ve stayed outta this so-called entertainment news because I wanted to see how it played out till the end.

I played EXACTLY as I would’ve played it.

See, this is a shorthand version of what happened (assimilated version):  NBC got greedy back in 2004.  They wanted to keep Conan while he was on Late Night.  Well, the only way to keep him (cuz his contract was nearly up) was promise him the Tonight Show (hosted by Jay Leno) in 2009.  Well, between ‘04-’09 Leno solidified his hold over the Tonight Show (in the ratings).  NBC decided to wuss out and give Conan the gig BUT say “Leno, we still need you” (translation: don’t go somewhere else).  Leno - being the company peon he is at heart, agreed and did a stupid prime time show that sucked.

Well, NOW, NBC figured, okay let’s move Leno back to 11:30 Eastern for a half-hour and Conan goes to 12:05 and everyone moves back after that and all is right with the world.  Right?

Well Conan figured out (somewhat correctly) that moving a show that’s been on 55 years at the same time is somehow not the same.  Or more realistically, he realized that he had two choices: A) be a company dude and move half-hour back or B) whine and bitch about it till he got thrown out.

He, of course chose C) Maximum chaos, maximum damage, maximum payout.

You gotta admit, he played it well.  He made a firm stand that “The Tonight Show at 12:05 is not The Tonight Show”.  He then decided he wanted out.  In the process, he managed to:

• Turn people against Leno (who already has a history of ’swiping’ shows)
• Turn people against NBC
• Make himself look like a martyr
• Collect a minimum of $45 million for himself AND his staff
• AND create enough buzz around him to make people wonder if he’ll come back in 7 months (per agreement with NBC)

Seriously people, if I could find away to make future competitors look bad, have people turn on my employer, turn myself into a martyr, take care of my people, AND walk away with enough money so I don’t need to ever work again?  Face it - I’d do it and so would you.

So …. for the first - and perhaps ONLY time - we dub Conan O’Brien a ChaozDude.  Salud!

Talking about ’shooting your load’.  I don’t know where to go after this post for the next 23 days but since I found it I don’t want to lose it.  Its far too precious to not share.

I’m speaking of course of The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978).  I tried watching it but couldn’t get past the ‘guest stars’ Beatrice Arthur, Art Carney, Diann Carol, Jefferson Starship, and Harvey Korman (in multiple roles).

Seriously, save these links whenever confronted by someone who says that Star Wars was the best anything ever.  This will shut them up REAL fast.

I’m only going to post the first two parts up but I’ll set up a link for all 10

Fuck that I’m not looking to kill you all.  Here’s the first part of the TV special (which will give you enough info to know the dreck that follows).

And here is the undigested cherry atop this shit sorbet:  the “Happy Life Day” song

If you TRULY dare to watch the whole special it IS posted up (even Lucas doesn’t want to slap a copyright on this apparently) but be warned its 97 minutes long.  That’s right kids, its an official ‘unofficial’ movie - call it “Star Wars 1.5″.  Actually, call it anything you want just don’t call George Lucas for a sequel.  He’d probably shoot you.

The Prisoner - THEN

The Prisoner - NOW

As you can guess I’m a fan of Patrick McGoohan’s “The Prisoner” (I even did a write up on his passing on this blog a while back).  I’m simply stunned that they’re bringing it back.

Of course that fact that 1) It’s an American production, 2) on a cable channel; don’t bode well for me.  Ian McKellen however gives it some credibility even though that’s cancelled out by the title character being played by Jim “Jesus Christ” Kavieziel (as in “Last Temptation“).  All in all, without McGoohan pounding the living daylights outta of AMC (the network doing this) on being faithful to his vision; I have a tough time seeing this as nothing but glass cut jewelry.

Here’s the posters for the show, in case you’re interested:

Ok, said I wouldn’t post another Megan Fox post until she was sucking my dick.  Well, I’m still holding out (sorta); so lets call this a David Letterman post. 

What, you want pictures of Fox licking her lips, you loser?  Go here.

Point is that she’s hot but she went on David Letterman the other day and suffice to say she sounds like the scared little twat she is.  In a way it sounds like she’s being interviewed by her dad (which if that’s the case, then she’s a GREAT lay because those with daddy issues always are good fucks).

…

…

What?  It’s true.  Fuck you.

Anyway, she actually sounds sexier here because she sounds kinda dumb and not really all that smart.  Not even a Angelina Jolie Lite but more like a Angelique Pettyjohn lite. 

I hate these new breed of actors.  Basically they are interchangeable to me.  It’s like someone poured water on Keanu Reeves and he started reproducing (he is a mogwai, you know).

Which brings me to Shia LaBeouf.  I ain’t seen either Transformer movie (not am I inclined to really), but I’m guessing he’s in the flick otherwise he would be promoting it.  But never mind that.  This guy has a chick ask outside the building if he can come out there and see him and he actually has her come INSIDE with him.  He then spends some time chatting her up saying he likes “all kinds of girls”.  Presumably, he then takes her back to the green room and they fuck like rabbits.

At least that what I would do.  So for this little stunt, I’ll give Shia props because he basically does what any guy would do with a ‘big’ movie career.  He’d fucked any lady who’s willing (and the line is probably 1/2 mile long for him).

Lucky asshole.

Oh, and even if he didn’t fuck her you know they had to steam clean the chair the chick was sitting in because her juices were probably working overtime while she was talking to him.  Elizabeth Viera was probably thinking, “DAMN!  Who ordered the fish dinner!?”

BlindGossip basically tore a large (if obvious) hole into the whole Jon & Kate Gosselin disaster.  For those with lives, TLC (ironically “The Learning Channel”) has this couple who has 8 kids and the “ins & outs” of handling a large family.  In reality, its the possibly the worst example of “reality television” - at least til someone has a series about dying on live TV (I give it 5 years tops).  The kids alone will need therapy approaching $1 million (like a child actor but NOT acting ). (more…)

This poor soul is Mark-Paul Gosselaar.  Once upon a time 2000 years ago (aka: 1980s), he was this teen hearthrob on this show called Saved By The Bell.  Never watched it but I knew of it because of the chicks on the show.  Well, here he is playing his TV character on the Jimmy Fallon show.

Seriously how bad does your life have to suck to promote something your gonna be on by pretending to be a character you were 20 years ago?  Worse still, you do it on Jimmy Fallon’s POS?  Its funny if you watch the whole clip because you can simply see Fallon is almost hoping the bit works and as he knows it isn’t doesn’t know ANY WAY of saving it.  The audience eventually gets bored with it but try to play along for the benefit of television.

All I know is that if I was this Gosselaar guy I would fire my agent (which I doubt he has anyway) and simply go back to the local Walmart automotive department.

In a perfect world, that snake would’ve eaten them

Ya I don’t like touching these two and you don’t like reading about them.  Too bad.  The reason I’m posting this is to let everyone know just how big of douches Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt are.  Seriously.  They’re beyond Britney douchery (though Britney should douche judging from my previous post). (more…)

Ok, for the last few weeks there’s this ’scandal’ going on a reality TV show called “Jon & Kate Plus 8“.  Its loser show on an equally loser network.  It supposedly details the family workings of a this couple with 8 kids who live in this gigantic house and want for nothing.  Sounds like something I’d certainly watch while reheating a frozen food leftovers. 

Anyway, apparently the husband’s cheating on the wife, the wife’s been cheating too, and basically a lot pissing on each other.  Of course, the show now has MONSTER ratings (for a loser network) and they’re all happy (kinda).

Frankly, I’ve avoid the mess because I couldn’t care less not that they’re all happy, right?
Not anymo-ore! 

A U.S. reality TV couple are under investigation following accusations they’re breaking state child labor laws in Pennsylvania.
Jon and Kate Gosselin, the stars of hit show Jon & Kate Plus 8, have been reported to the state’s labour department for allegedly exploiting their eight young children on the program.
A spokesman for the authorities has confirmed the couple is under investigation, but added, “Because the case is ongoing I can’t discuss the content of the investigation.”
Meanwhile, a statement from the U.S. TV network behind the show reads, “TLC fully complies with all applicable laws and regulations. Jon and Kate Plus 8 is no exception. For an extended period of time, we have been engaged in co-operative discussions and supplied all requested information to the Pennsylvania Department of Labor.”
The show follows the daily lives of the Gosselins, who are currently considering a separation following a string of marital issues.  (ContactMusic)

They can probably blame Octomom for this mess.  She tried to get a show but everyone was freaking out about it so that never materialized.  Apparently, now people are wondering if maybe having 8 kids being raised in front of cameras while they’re parents are duking it out is a good idea.  DUH!

Oh yeah - almost forgot:  BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!