CelebrityFIST!

… Amanda Seyfried … Hilary Duff … Jennifer Love Hewitt … Paris Hilton … Jon Voight & ‘Bradgelina’

(more…)

Well, we are SO fucked. (more…)

Her uterus is in one of those bags…

Well, this is nice.  Nadya Suleman; that walking baby factory colloquially known as Octomom has now apparently turned the tables on us.  See, she’s decided that the mocking nickname is a great trademark!  From Smoking Gun (boldface mine):

Nadya Suleman, who has shown a knack for cashing in on her post-natal predicament, last Friday filed two applications with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office in a bid to commercially exploit her tabloid-bestowed nickname. In her April 10 USPTO filings, the 33-year-old mother of 14 identifies herself as “Nadya Suleman, AKA Octomom,” and notes that she wants to use the “Octomom” handle on products such as dresses, pants, shirts, and disposable and textile diapers. Suleman also wants to secure a trademark to use “Octomom” in connection with TV variety programming.  As seen in the below excerpts from Suleman’s USPTO applications, she had to sign a letter consenting to “the use of my nickname as a Trademark or Servicemark.” The USPTO applications, which cost Suleman a total of $825 and only include a bland logotype, were filed for her by a Whittier, California law firm whose web site reports that it offers “Intellectual Property and Family Law services.”

Wonderful.

Well, I guess the laugh’s on us now.  Only she could take her joke her life is and manage to trademark it.  Seriously, if I see “Octomom”-brand shit in the store I will go apeshit.  That is to say drop trou, dump a load and start flinging it.

So there it is.  Time to put my head in the microwave.  I’ll be back later once my head explodes.

Oh - almost forgot … JustJared’s got this info that Octomom will be invading the UK airwaves. 

“Yes, it is official,” she tells Life & Style. “I’m going to be doing a show, but it’s not a reality show. What I’m doing with this TV show is basically creating documentaries about the lives of my children. It’s going to be an ongoing thing, and it will follow them from now until they are 18. It’s being done by Eyeworks; they’re in the UK. It will air in the UK and then we’ll see if the US is interested.”

Okay, time to get asploded. Bye!!

photo courtesy of darkersightsandsounds

Evangeline Lilly hopes for a Milli Vanilli comeback … who wants to give her the bad news? (ContactMusic)

Usher wants Chris Brown not to have so much fun so soon after beating the shit outta Rhianna (ICYDK)

Eva Longoria says Eva Longoria is a great kisser - what? (PCNO)

Disney is making “High School Musical 4: The College Years” - Apocalypse in 3…2… (AllieIsWired)

Madonna is hoping to bat .358 this year with at least 40 home runs (Vomk)

Meanwhile, Humbert Humbert is plotting…
*sigh*
Remember that rant I had about Miley Cyrus just a day or so ago?  Well, when I mentioned “nipslip” I was referring to what happened during a photoshoot while she was on a horse.  But lo and behold, she flashes sideboob!  This time she’s shopping and someone manages to take snips of her trying something out.  Okay, this is where it gets complicated for me.

• Why is she not wearing a bra?
• If she’s just trying it on … where the HELL is she gonna wear that ‘blouse’??  A lolita convention?
• Would you let your kid (and lets face it, legally she still is) wear that ANYWHERE???

You know it’s actually illegal in Texas to photograph young girls in potentially compromising positions in public?  Like cheerleaders at a football game or something.  No, really.  So the guy who took these pics would be in a shitload of trouble over here?  Over there? Eh.
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie - I’d do Miley if she wanted my dick wrapped in a bow on her 18th birthday.  Hell, I’ll let her daddy sing “Achy Breaky Heart” if he wants to while she’s going down on me.  When she’s legal.  Otherwise, this shit sucks right now as far as I’m concerned.

And YES, you can look at the pics over here (I’m not hotlinking them on principle and legal advice).
****

Meanwhile in the other corner of the Lolita Apocalypse we have Ali Lohan.  Now, Ali Lohan is potentially a worse case because 1) she obviously is enjoying the ‘attention’ and 2) her mother (Dina “do my daughters” Lohan) is no doubt behind the mechinations.   Man, we thought Lindsay was fucked up in the head??  Holy crap, Ali may need the mother of therapy courses when all is said and done.

There’s a thin line between advertising and exploitation.  Dina is approximately 10000 miles over that line.  Christ, the kid’s 15 going on 50 and will be doing the shit her sister’s doing by the time she’s 17 (if she’s not already doing it now).

What I said about Miley doesn’t even apply to Ali.  She’s a fucking mental mess.  Even now, she looks likely to cut your dick off, cook it bacon grease, and forcefeed it to you.

Her pics will be found here.
****

Dammit I need a drink…

Um …. no.

…

I’d do her though.  There, I said it.

Oh!  You must be the lad from the orphanage.

Okay, sometimes I’m just not that funny.  I mean, I’m “ha-ha” funny but not often am I “ROTFL” funny; y’know?  With that in mind I give you “The Superficial”’s take on this “meeting of the minds”:

Amy Winehouse had Sunday brunch with Kelly Osbourne yesterday. I love how Kelly, whose father is Ozzy Osbourne of all people, still manages to register shock at the sight of Amy. I bet Ozzy will catch a glimpse of Amy Winehouse and, after pissing himself, try to stab her with a wooden stake. “Bloody hell. Sharon! One of them fucking vampires are in the house again! It smells like bloody shit and chips. Aw, hell, it’s eating my popsicles. Not the blue ones - Sharon!”

See?  Now THAT’S funny.  I’ll chalk it up to sleep deprivation…

(hey - at least when I swipe, I give credit) 

Early candidate for Scariest Photo of ‘08.
Well, as noted before - the Forces of Evil have aligned in the form of Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline. So the Forces of Good have chosen … um … Lindsay Lohan and Hayden Panettiere????

Oh yeah, we’re fucked.

Apparently, the Not-Quite-Dynamic Duo spent New Years in Italy which is a surprise because Hayden once was pissed she was mistaken for Linds. :::shrugs::: Feh, who can tell with these people.

Y’know, though - what happens when Lindsay sleeps with Hayden’s guy? That’s not a hypothetical, you know that Lindsay has a fucking Venus Dick Trap for a vagina. She’s actually like that chick from the Species movie. The one that got nakkid all the time.

…

Am I the only who sees an “Electra Woman & Dyna Girl” remake?