CelebrityFIST!

90% of her photos are this EXACT pose.  Real talented…

Anyway, I WON’T be posting the pictures.  Her lawyers have hit a couple of places stating she was 17 at the time the pics were taken (HollywoodTuna and The Superficial).  Frankly, life’s too short and complicated right now for me to deal with idiotic shit like that.

However, I am a generous liege, you can locate the pics here, here, here, here, and here - until they get taken down.

Seriously, she just needs to drop trou, bend over, take some pics and then concentrate on her acting career.  Wait-
…

OH - NOW I get it!

I’m not sure what type of phone Alyssa Milano has here but the old fart in the pics where her SURE seems to be enjoying the view what features her phone has.  Actually I’d like to have her features too - preferably naked, tied to the bed, and covered in baby oil.

(singing) We’re slip-sliding awaaaaaay, we’re slip-sliding away...

Bonus video - Youtube is kind enough to have the Alyssa Milano workout tape (”Teen Steam“, no really) for your exercising pleasure.  (What you all exercise is none of my fucking business) 

We’re going for more current stuff on today’s edition - mainly because there’s some really nice pics (IMHO) so this is a Meanwhile/Goodies remix.  Okay?

Padma Lakshmi at some event showing off her nipples and a nice scar(?).  She apparently got the scar in an auto accident when she was a teenager.  Never knew she had the scar; but then again I’m always looking at her tits, so that may be why.

Pic 2 makes it look like she’s sucking in her gut; but I like to think she’s actually got a nice shape that makes you wanna taste her hot curry!  See, she’s Indian and hosts a cooking - aw, fuck it.

Leighton Keester Meester was in a bikini the other day and got alot of attention.  She got mine.  I don’t watch Gossip Girl it could go off the air tomorrow and wouldn’t bat an eye.  However, Leighton and that Blake Lively chick are moving up my “hottie” charts everyday.  Of course the “Alba bikini position” is the topper her.    BTW, I did accidently type “keester” as I was typing this up!

Lydia Hearst shows up topless in GQ (Italy).  This is interesting for two reasons, one - the Hearst family owns Esquire.  Two?  Well, her family’s still filthy rich and she’s probably a good lay since she seems to be showing her tits just about everywhere nowadays.  See, I could get with her and bang her -  at least long enough to pay my bills off (I’m not too greedy).

What?  Hey!  I get ladies who want the same from me!!  Turnabout and fair play and all that, ya know?

TMZ released a bunch of modeling photos of Carrie Prejean - for those playing at home that’s the Miss California that supposedly loss the chance to become Miss America because some idiot judge asked a loaded question about gay marriage.  Anyway, there’s a couple of pics where nips were showing (yawn).  Now this is the biggest cause celebre on both sides of the lunatic (i.e.: political) spectrum because she’s against gay marriage but somehow is being “persecuted”.

Ugh, oh please - its not like the beauty queen may become Vice Presi- oh, wait.  Nevermind.

Lastly but not least - Halle Berry holding hands with some very lucky dude.  All I can say is that even after a kid, I’d still hit it - hard (uh, Halle; not the dude - Unca Chaoz don’t roll like that.  )

Oddly enough, this was my reaction to the photos…

ZOMG!  It’s the one and only Rihanna nude!!!1!!!  She like has no clothes off!  ZOMG!  I think I have a boner!  AGH!!

…

Too much?  Well that’s pretty much the reaction in “the sphere”.  *sigh*  Call me jaded but I need something more than this.  Now granted, she has a very nice ass; but you can see it clearly in other clothed shots.  Here?  Well, i know she’s female so I know that’s a shot of her pussy (sorta) in pic#3; but otherwise?  Well, she could be a Barbie doll with genitalia in that shot.

BTW, these pics were “acquired” from Egotastic - in case you couldn’t tell from the watermark. 

This woman is YOUNGER than Ron Wood’s last marriage!!

Ron Wood gives all us regular guys hope that we too will bang someone young, dumb and … *ahem*.  How?  Well, only for the pure that fact then even money can only equalize things so far…

Ageing rocker RONNIE WOOD is reportedly planning to marry his young lover EKATERINA IVANOVA - news which has devastated his estranged wife Jo.
The Rolling Stones star, 61, split from his partner of 23 years in July (08), after his affair with 20-year-old Russian waitress Ivanova was exposed in the press.
Just last month (Mar09) his wife declared the divorcing duo are still great friends.
But a pal tells British tabloid the Sunday Mirror that Jo is no longer talking to her estranged husband as she was hoping the pair would eventually get back together.
The pal says, “Jo is devastated and now knows there is no turning back.
“Ronnie wants the divorce to be settled as soon as possible so he can marry Kat. Jo always believed this was just a silly fling but that couldn’t be further from the truth. She worked really hard to remain on good terms with Ronnie despite what he has done. But now instead of sorting things out he wants to fight out any claims (in court).” (ContactMusic)

His only mistake is that he’s gonna marry her.  He’s been banging her for about 6 months now and now he wants to marry her??  My only guess is that he got the “no ring, no sexing” ultimatum.  I guess even Ronnie didn’t like the idea of having to find another naive Russian 20-year-old.

…

Wait, what?

Oh, yeah - here’s a couple of topless pics of her I found on the net.  See if its worth marrying… (more…)

Celebslam’s got a nice excerpt up of the new ‘tell-all’ book about Paris Hilton.  Six Degrees of Paris Hilton by Mark Ebner goes on sale next week and some of the stuff in the book deals with interviews of the guy who bought a shitload of stolen Hilton tapes and he basically spills the beans on whats on them.
I realize this sounds kinda lame but the excerpt is interesting nevertheless…

Paris and Nick Carter at the Las Ventanas resort in Cabo San Lucas: “The video opens with Nick holding the camera as Paris opens her luggage. She pulls out a huge ziplock bag full of weed. She flew drugs into Mexico. Unbelievable. Nick comments on how this tape muster never get out, and Paris says, ‘Yeah, the Paris Hilton Tape, Part Two.’ She breaks the weed down, and rolls a fat joint. They smoke for about ten minutes, go out to the pool, talk a little shit.

[Later,] Paris and Brandon Davis are approached by two effeminate black men at an MTV party who invite them to an event for singer/actress Eve’s new clothing line. Davis initially asks if there will be any women at the party, before they exchange phone numbers. Then, according to Darnell, “On the way to the the Jeep, Brandon says, ‘Stupid fucks,’ talking about the black guys, and Paris says ‘Dirty niggers,’ and they start laughing and jump into the Jeep. You could tell that Paris had tried to erase the tape, because that part had a blur in it, but the words were clear.” (Celebslam)

Now granted, this whole dumb-slut, pot-head, racist-bitch, STD-infested, fake-life, useless-piece-of-gelatinous-bile-in-human-skin act of Paris Hilton is nothing new.  However it’s always nice to read so that when the great revolution comes (probably sponsored by Nike), some little pile of bile will be first up on the wall.

… Well I can dream, can’t I?

There was a time I would SOOO do Madonna … of course, this was back in high school during the mid-80’s.  That little ’street slut urchin” look that was imitated by so many other teenage sluts fans, ah takes me back.

Now, she looks like SHE should be Marc Anthony’s husband wife (which if it actually occured could give rise to Skeletor and The Masters of the Universe).

But I digress…

Anyway, some auction house (Christie’s?  Sotheby’s?  McDonald’s?) will soon have up to bid a rather stark photograph of Madonna from waaaaaaaaay back when she was 20-years old.  I like how The Age puts it:

The picture is full-frontal, Madonna sitting on the floor, leaning back against a wall with one leg up, but not relaxed, more strangely perched. Skinny arms, dark curly hair half in her eyes, eyes almost accusing. It remains the most vulnerable image of a woman with a talent for unapologetic rudeness.

*snicker* *snarf*

BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! XD

“Most vulnerable image”???  You’ve GOT to be kidding me?  She’s got her legs spread and granted she’s not looking at the camera but it certainly suggests “dinner is served”.  Y’know what I mean??

What I find intriguing is that this auction is just for ONE picture.  Where there is one there is most certainly more.  It was taken in 1979 and her first hit was in 1982.  I’m pretty sure the photographer has more in his “back pocket”.

***
And YES, I’ve got the pic - WARNING:  Ms. Ciccione was NOT a shaver “down there”.  Hell, it looks like a cat slammed straight into her ‘kitty’ and stayed plastered there like in an old cartoon.  No.  Really.  I’m warning you.

Fuck it - you had a chance.

(more…)

Yeah, I’m practicing my “tabloid headline” writing.  Not too bad, eh?  Anyway, onto the story:  seems 15 year old Miley Cyrus is learning the hard way that you gotta be careful with your pics else, they’ll wind up in the wrong hands.  Like mine for instance.

Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has defended a photoshoot in which she is seen frolicking with a female companion - insisting the photos are entirely “innocent”. The 15-year-old faced a storm of criticism after the pictures, which showed her rolling around on a hotel room floor and sharing a piece of candy with a friend, were leaked on the Internet and deemed to have inappropriate sexual undertones. But the teenager has hit back claiming there is nothing erotic about the images. She says, “They’re nothing bad! It’s not something I’m going to let slide. I’m really upset about it, ’cause it was, like, not even a big deal. That’s one of my best friends. I have all these girls who I hang out with all the time. It’s two girls at a sleepover, and if all of a sudden that’s bad, then what is the world coming to?” (source)

What’s the world coming to, Miley?  Well, most likely they’re coming to your pictures … and on them … and around them.

But that’s another story.

Actually in defense of Miley, there really is nothing wrong with two girls having a sleepover and taking pictures of each other on the floor and sharing a piece of candy with their mouths.   One of them with her lips pursed full and the other with her tongue hanging out.  Nope, nothing “sexual” about that at all.

Of course, we’ll be seeing these as part of the new American Apparel ad campaign.

Bonus round:  I just LOVE the comments in the EOnline post - they swing from “This is how Britney started” to complete and absolute denial.  Definitely worth a chuckle.

I simply don’t get the French. I mean eat a lot of their traditional food: French fries, French bread, French dressing; but I don’t get THEM. I mean the just award Miss France and already their pissed off at her because of her past:

The winner of this year’s Miss France contest has been ordered to resign just days into her reign, after a magazine published provocative photographs taken early in her modelling career. Valerie Begue, 22, a student from the French Indian Ocean island of Reunion, returned home triumphant after her win earlier this month (Dec07). But her joy was short-lived after event organisers took exception to pictures, taken three years ago but only published last week, of her floating on a crucifix in a swimming pool and eating yogurt in way deemed lewd by contest officials. Genevieve de Fontenay, 75, a former model who has run the event since the 1950s, has demanded that Begue be stripped of her crown - just two weeks after claiming it. She says, “I don’t understand how she can have had the cheek to enter the competition when she knew perfectly well the ethical rules of Miss France. “I have no desire to see her again. I certainly cannot see myself going around France escorted by a woman like that. As she is from Reunion, let her stay there!” The dramatic step has caused uproar in Begue’s native Reunion, with local radio stations inundated with angry supporters of the model. Begue herself is distraught, and claims to have been “betrayed” by whoever sold the pictures to Entrevue magazine. She tells France’s Le Parisien magazine, “I was never happy with those pictures. They were a mistake that I regret bitterly. But now the wonderful year I had ahead of me is going up in smoke.” (source)

In case you didn’t read all that (and I didn’t): “Why did she join the contest when we don’t allow such ‘riff raff’” and then it was followed by some snail-eating and wine-drinking.

UPDATE:  The organizers of the contest have decided to have mercy on her and allow her to retain her crown.  On the other hand, she is not allowed to compete in the Miss World and Miss Universe contests (you mean they’re different???).  Nah, Miss New Calendonia gets to have that honor.  She’s the lass down below.

I say this much - she has nice gums.