CelebrityFIST!

BlindGossip basically tore a large (if obvious) hole into the whole Jon & Kate Gosselin disaster.  For those with lives, TLC (ironically “The Learning Channel”) has this couple who has 8 kids and the “ins & outs” of handling a large family.  In reality, its the possibly the worst example of “reality television” - at least til someone has a series about dying on live TV (I give it 5 years tops).  The kids alone will need therapy approaching $1 million (like a child actor but NOT acting ). (more…)

Whee!  Look at me!  I’m a loser!!

I love it when I get a chance to do a positive post about someone taking a stand for what they believe in and trying to save the world and then is firm in their convictions…
But this post is about Jessica Alba. (more…)

Bad viruses! Heel! Heel!
As you know I try to limit this blog to celebrity stupidity and boobs (granted a low-ball combination, but it works).  The last thing I’d want to write about is REAL news.  Fuck it, I ain’t a reporter.

Though I’m a VICIOUS gossip! 

Ok - as many of you know, ChaozCentral is located in South Texas and as I’m sure you’ve ALL heard by now, there’s this nasty Swine Flu virus floating around that apparently originated in Mexico.  We’ve had a few cases here and now the damn thing is going global (15 countries at last count).  Just earlier the World Health Organization has stated:

The World Health Organisation has warned that “all of humanity is under threat” from a potential swine flu pandemic and called for “global solidarity” to combat the virus. (Telegraph.co.uk)

Wonderful.  Lets panic the planet, shall we?

After hearing that on the local news I decided to throw my two cents into this conversation this one time (unless the damn thing mutates).  So here’s some nice facts for the levelheaded (because the schizos, paranoids, anti-intellectuals, and conspiracy theorists are beyond sense now):

1)  What is Swine Flu?

Specifically its called H1N1 virus.  Its a virus that previous affected just pigs (who have a similarly built immune system as us) than mutated (as many virus do) and jumped to human and is passable from person-to-person.

2)  How do you get it?

Well first, you DON’T get it from eating pork.  It’s being carried in water droplets of those who have the virus.  Even after the droplets evaporate, the virus is still viable for several hours.  Touch a contaminated surface, touch your nose, eyes or mouth - BINGO!  Infection.

3)  Why is it so dangerous?  Why all the hype?

Well, it isn’t provide you live someplace that stocks antiviral medication (Tamiflu, Remivir).  The problem with this virus is that its new to humans.  So there’s no vaccine (the seasonal flu vaccine is not effective against this) and so its difficult for people to NOT get it.  Odds are in fact, that at current rate of spread; you WILL get it.

By the way, this virus is different from the one that hit the US in the late 1970’s.  “Swine flu” is merely describes its original source.

4)  Great - so what are the symptoms?

Fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue, possibly diarrhea and/or vomiting.

In other words, symptoms similar to the seasonal flu.  No big difference there.

5)  But can’t you die from it?

Well, of course, you could also die from the seasonal flu too.  For example, 36,000 people die of complications to the seasonal flu.  Just in the United States.  EVERY YEAR.  Of course you don’t hear this shit simply because it happens every year - and usually to the elderly.  This virus, however, is able to infect otherwise healthy people (though with only mild symptoms) - so of course everyone has to freak out.

6)  Ok - so what can I do?

Not much more than what you would do to keep from getting the seasonal flu.

• Wash your hands often
• Disinfect surfaces where you think infected people have had contact
• Avoid close contact with people who may be sick (Yay internet!)
• Use bottled water instead of municipal water fountains
• Masks are NOT really helpful - unless you’re working in a place that is housing infected people (clinics, hospitals, etc)

7) Finally - what do I do if I DO get sick?

Same as the above but also CALL YOUR PHYSICIAN OR CLINIC let them know you MAY have the flu.  DON’T go to the office (you’ll infect everyone else, ninny!).  The MD will call in script for you or have you pick up some meds (depending on where you live).  Drink plenty of fluids and get a LOT of rest.  Don’t overexert yourself and keep yourself away from any healthy people!

…

I knew all that schooling I did would come in handy one day! 

Oh, BTW - do the world a favor and SPREAD the info!  You don’t have to direct them here, just give them the straight up facts.  The idiot you save may be a friend of yours. 

Procured from HollywoodTuna,  this lovely instructional video shows the proper method to pole dance.  This is to be seen because she’s - well, she’s pretty fucking good at it!

Unfortunately, the strippers I know don’t know how to do this type of pole dancing.

Fortunately, those strippers DO know how do the OTHER type of “pole” dancing! 

which may explain that itch I’ve had the last few months. 

Seriously, that smile looks painful.

Jaime Pressly … um - hasn’t being doing much as far as I can tell.  I mean I know she’s probably doing some films or TV shows or the latest informercial; but I ain’t seen it.  Suffice to say she hasn’t been on my radar recently.

So it was nice to see her in Shape magazine (though her face looks horribly Photoshopped - at least I HOPE it’s Photoshop).  Anyway, she’s got a good shape.  I wish I worked out like her but I’m too busy grabbing for the next slice of pizza that I have tucked away under my pillow there goes THAT idea.

Maybe if I had her as a workout trainer I’d actually be motivated.  Nah,  I know what I really need.  I need to hire an 18 year old girl with an athletic body and nice round butt.  Have her get naked and tell me “I’ll let you fuck me if you catch me - in the ASS!”  THAT would probably do it for me.

Why naked?  Lets face it if she’s not already nude, my eyes (and dick) are just not gonna be focused (too much porn in my time).  Yeah, I’ve thought it out.  No, I don’t have a life (why else have a blog?). 

So as a service to all us fatties, I’ve posted up the workout for ya.  NOW GET OFF YOUR ASS!

I’ll be over munching on some potato skins I found underneath the bed *chomp* *chomp*
Gallery from Egotastic!

Of course if that’s not suitable heres some NAKED pictures of her HERE.