CelebrityFIST!

Hmm.  Benicio Del Toro.  Hugo Weaving.  Anthony Hopkins.

I dub this movie ‘awesome’ already.

Fuck Twilight, this is the real deal here.  The interesting bit is that this doesn’t seem to be a straight up remake but re-imagining of the tale.   Also while the previous film was more contemporary this one is firmly entrenched in a gothic time period (with some apparent steampunk thrown in, judging from the trailer).

Looking forward to this one!!

Okay, I admit.  I’m being fucking lazy and throwing up trailers.  Sorry.

This is one movie I have some serious questions about.  I never watched the original series first and foremost (listen if I want horror; I’ll pick up a newspaper, dig?).  However, Jackie Earle Haley is now in Freddie Krueger’s … er … sweatshirt and I admit it piques my interests.  Also, it seems that Freddie is a more tortured character and there seems to be an attempt to play the movie from a more psychological slant.  Both of which would make the film immensely more appealing to me.

On the other hand, “Michael Bay Producer” pretty much sets up a potential suckfest of monumental proportions (think “Pearl Harbor“, kids).   So either way this is gonna blow up for sure.  Good or bad?  We’ll find out next Spring I guess.

Okay, first off - I like the original “Clash of the Titans“.  LIKED, but not loved.  It was a decent flick and - lets face it - goofy.  Shit, it had Burgess Meredith acting as an interpreter for a mechanical owl.  Any way you cut it; that’s pretty fuckin’ goofy.  Plus it had cool Ray Harryhausen effects.  Fuck CGI, ya know.

So - why remake a likeable but goofy movie?  Really?  I mean you can make a movie, call it “Olympus” or something and it would still work the same.  Lets face it; the kids nowadays don’t know shit about Greek mythology.  They can tell you which universe Ultraman lives on (Earth-3) or how many different Saw movies have been out (6 at last count).  But classical Greek mythos?  Uh-uh, zippo.  Nada.  Zilch.

Come to think of it, if you’re gonna fuck up Greek mythology; use Hercules (aka Heracles) - shit he had those 12 lame-ass labours of his.  That’s at LEAST two movies there (three with enough padding and gratuitous sex scenes).

…

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SOMEONE CALL MY AGENT!!

You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me.

Frankly, the world will end one day.  It’ll definitely end for me when I die (whenever the fuck that is).  And the world will eventually get gobbled up when the sun turns into a red giant some billions of years from now.

But December 21, 2012?  Um …. no.

But guess what!?  The movie ‘2012′ has come out and I was on the way to work today and was literally amazed at how people who caught the midnight showing were calling the radio station I listened to (rock station, BTW) and wondering if it could really happen.  I nearly had an accident on the road laughing.

Ok, truth?  Every 2160 years or so the constellation visible the early morning of the spring equinox changes.  Why?  Well, the Earth (like every other celestial body) wobbles [like a top spinning].  Anyhoo, on 12/21/12; the constellation Aquarius will ‘officially’ become the first constellation as opposed to the current one (Pisces).

‘Age of Aquarius’, get it?

Anyhoo, the Mayans were REALLY good at predicting this shit (using their own constellations, of course); moreso since they basically had was the sun, well place window slits, and brains (something the last few generations of human beings lack apparently).

Now I could go on an explain how the calendar was created for the harvest of crops, how it co-opt by Christians, blah blah.  Frankly, I don’t have the patience and if you DO believe the world’s gonna end; well you’re beyond my help already.

On the other hand…

I do think that from today leading up to 12/21/12; people will be doing some seriously idiotic shit and use 2012 to justify it.

… and for THAT, I’m breaking out the brewskis!  Who’s with me?

She forgot to swallow the kerosene.  AGAIN. :(

Megan Fox To Play Catwoman?

Megan Fox has allegedly landed the role of Catwoman in the next Batman film.   According to The Sun, the Transformers actress will be ditching Autobots for a tight PVC cat suit to play the part of Selina Kyle in the new Christopher Nolan directed film.   Megan will be following in the footsteps of Michelle Pfeiffer who played the part in Batman Returns and Halle Berry, who also donned the famous catsuit for spin-off movie Catwoman.

However, Fox’s take on the cartoon vixen is said to be a lot more sinister that her predecessors, as The Sun reports Megan’s portrayal of Kyle will have ‘a darker edge’.   Batman stars Christian Bale and Michael Caine are also said to be on board for the next chapter in the comic-book hero saga.   Shooting for the film is rumoured to be starting next year but it is not expected to be released until 2011. (sauce)

Of course, the one good note is that the source is The Sun - which is about as reliable as the Dick Cheney in telling the truth.  So I’m gonna keep my fingers crossed, break out the Megan Fox voodoo doll and try to find the right words:

Anál nathrach, orth’ bháis’s bethad, do chél dénmha?

… shit, turned my beer into water.  DAMMIT!!!

Remind me to go to Arby’s tomorrow.

How do I say this nicely?  … Jennifer Aniston is the girl in college who fucked everyone on God’s green earth so she could be popular then wondered why she none of the guys stuck around. (more…)

This closest you’ll get to a 16-year-old tongue, without going to jail.

According to reports, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus is lobbying for the role of Batgirl in the upcoming sequel to the Batman movie The Dark Knight. Cyrus is apparently so interested in landing the part that she recently “stunned” producers at Warner Bros. to audition for the part in a full-on batsuit!

“She was sort of hopping around the room and had even written some dialogue for herself,” claims a source. “The problem is, some people aren’t really convinced Miley has the acting chops to pull it of.” (Celebuzz)

I can imagine her jumping around Tom Cruise like on a couch spouting “Holy Bats, Batman!” or “Biff!” “Pow!”.  Which would be funny - but that’s probably how Alicia Silverstone got her turn. 

Actually Silverstone is probably rooting for Miley to get since this may be the only way we can ever forget her “Fatgirl” performance would be with “BatMontana”.

Seriously the only ‘bat’ I wanna see Cyrus get near is the ol’ Louisville Slugger.   FORE!!!

….I know its a golf phrase, it’s my blog - fuck you…