CelebrityFIST!

I could’ve put on a really bad pic of Jacko, but since this one had boobs…
Yeah, I’m back.  Lets see how long I can keep this up till the next catastrophe strikes.  Hmm?

Well, my life sucks right now but it could be worse.  Could be Michael Jackson.  Yeah, I know he’s still dead (what a shock).  But the man is still missing something, now what could that be? (more…)

Okay, I don’t get this at all.  Here we have the self-proclaimed King of Pop in the year 2000 (courtesy of an Ebony magazine feature from 1985) and he looks.  Well … he looks like Billy Dee Williams.  Now, lets face it.  There are WORSE looks to have.  Frankly, for me, Billy Dee would be an improvement for me.

But does Jacko stick to the plan.  NAH.  He wants to go painkiller white.  W.T.F?

No really.  This is not a bad look.  Sure, he might have been gay or bi or vegetable.  But shit, the chicks would’ve dug it.

…

Such a dumbass.

Well, now I see why (click to enlarge, though not recommended)

From somewhere (click ’sauce’ - I don’t remember anymore)
While Michael Jackson’s mom, Katherine Jackson continues to fend off  Debbie Rowe over the issue of custody for the late King of Pop’s kids, it’s Michael’s sister Janet Jackson who has emerged in the eyes of many as the favored caregiver for the three children. And, sources tell OK!, that appears to be just what Prince, Paris and Blanket want most.“All three want Janet to read to them at night,” a Jackson family friend says. “They just melt into her arms when she walks into the house.” (sauce)

First - aww.

Second - barf.

Third - this makes sense since Michael basically tried to look like Janet in the first place…

first thing I thought of when I saw all the ‘news’…
So I am home from work for a change before midnight the next fucking day and what should I find.  More Michael Jackson news.  Ok, I get it - he was a great singer (when he was lucid) and a great entertainer (when he wasn’t crazy).  He loved the world (though underage boys just a little more) and the world loved him (when it was making money off his lunacy or his dead body - like now).  *Sigh*

Look the kids (whoever they’re biological father is) miss him enough already.  We gotta go back and find out how he got fucked up in the first place???  Gee, that’s a little fucking late now isn’t it???

So the blogs are choking with “revelations” that Michael Jackson got hooked to painkillers after his horrific accident shooting that Pepsi commercial where his hair caught on fire.  I’m not posting it but info is available here, here, here, here, here, and possibly here.

*sigh*  This is easily the most boring piece of news on the planet and its all over the place.  Jesus Jehosephat Christ!!  He was light up like a fucking match and you THINK this is where the addiction to painkillers came from?????

::bangs head on keyboard (x5)::

Ugh, its a good thing I’m drunk already…

He’s still dead.

Move on, people…

Okay, so the Lordi video above doesn’t fit the post.  It was either that or Benny Benassi (which just sounds icky for this post).

First, yeah I wasn’t gonna post shit about Michael Jackson but his life’s more convoluted now than when he was alive (perfect irony there).  Namely, with his kids…

Well, not HIS kids, technically.  See, he’s got three kids:  1) Michael Jr, 2) Paris, 3) Prince Michael II.

Michael is apparently the father of NONE of them.

Debbie Rowe (who Michael was married to) who gave birth to Michael Jr & Paris is apparently the biological mother to NONE of them either.  See, it turns out (as suppositioned) that she was merely a surrogate for the kids.  However, it was assumed her eggs were used, but now that may not be the case.    This explains why she doesn’t want custody of the kids, technically she was just the “oven”.

Don’t worry, it gets better…

Prince Michael II, apparently was brought to term by a surrogate who didn’t even know that the receiving parent was gonna be Michael Jackson!!

SO-

Who’s the daddy?  (Fuck, who’s the MOMMY!?)

Well, fingers are pointing towards one Dr. Arnold Klein - who was Michael Jackson’s dermatologist (great job, BTW ) AND the former employer of Debbie Rowe.

Meanwhile Rowe’s lawyer is continuing to say that Debbie IS the biological mother (which of course means she has a stake in the Jackson ‘fortune’ - whatever’s left of it), Dr. Klein is MIA, and we don’t even have CLUE who was Prince’s surrogate mom (or the sperm donor).

In case you’re wondering, I’m not posting pics of the kids because lets face it; they’re fucked to high heaven already - why damage them more?

(complied from too many fucking sources but include: TMZ.com, CBS.com, ContactMusic, RadarOnline, and USWeekly)  Hey, I actually read all this shit - now I’ve got a headache…

King of Pop meets the Queen of Herp
As well all know, Michael Jackson has gone to that big kindergarten in the sky (yes, going to hell, etc).  And there have been many tributes paid to him (rightfully so).  But NONE so heartfelt as Paris Hilton’s.  Why?  Well, she allows us to see pictures from when Jackson was still alive and Z-O-M-G-!  She knew him then!!!!

Posted on her herpes-infested Twitter page:

I’m feeling faint, someone help me!

No really.  WTF?  It’s like Death hit the motherfucking lottery. (more…)

Because some things are too fucked up to add anything to.

Michael Jackson reportedly underwent emergency surgery after his young son accidentally punched him in the face. The Thriller hitmaker - who has undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries on his face in the past - was recently photographed in a Los Angeles bookstore wearing numerous bandages around his mouth. But sources tell Finditt.com the singer’s son, Prince Michael II, caused the injury: “He was whacked in the face accidentally by his younger son Prince Michael II while playing around and part of Jackson’s upper lip collapsed. “That mishap led a hysterical Jacko to make a beeline for the plastic surgeon for a bit of quickie repair work.” (source)

Yeah, nothing like getting hit by you kid and having your face fall off.  Kinda gives the “Got your nose!” routine a whole new spin.

Words cannot describe what has happened to Michael Jackson’s face. The easiest way to describe it is that Michael’s face looks like Britney’s life. I’m not even sure what he’s doing here. Possibly buying books like “Plastic Surgery For Dummies” and “Boy’s Life”, but I could be wrong.

Okay, I’ve looked at these long enough. Now if you will excuse me, I need to throw up.