CelebrityFIST!

Some guys have all the luck.  Then there’s Zac Efron.  Well, he’s had some luck.  He was boinking Vanessa Hudgens (who sent naked picture that wound up all over the Net) and apparently has had sex with Trans-whore-mers star Megan Fox. (more…)

Ok, said I wouldn’t post another Megan Fox post until she was sucking my dick.  Well, I’m still holding out (sorta); so lets call this a David Letterman post. 

What, you want pictures of Fox licking her lips, you loser?  Go here.

Point is that she’s hot but she went on David Letterman the other day and suffice to say she sounds like the scared little twat she is.  In a way it sounds like she’s being interviewed by her dad (which if that’s the case, then she’s a GREAT lay because those with daddy issues always are good fucks).

…

…

What?  It’s true.  Fuck you.

Anyway, she actually sounds sexier here because she sounds kinda dumb and not really all that smart.  Not even a Angelina Jolie Lite but more like a Angelique Pettyjohn lite. 

Ok, full disclosure first - yes, I would fuck Megan Fox if the opportunity arose.  I wouldn’t even think about it.  Now granted I’m at the point though where I’d do it more because she’s a celebrity but I thought I just throw that out there.

That said…

Megan Fox really needs an attitude adjustment.  Kinda like the one that a trusty baseball bat might be able to bring about.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but look at the examples of her mega-bitchiness: (more…)

Ok, well I managed to get sick yesterday - not the OINK (though the thought passed my mind).  Had bad nausea and called in sick to work (which I rarely do).  So lacking any Phenergan I took 2 Benadryl which knocked me on my ass for the rest of that day.

Now I see I have a leak in the front yard (oh the joys of home ownership ).  So I’m a REALLY irritable mood right now so lets see what we can do to change that… (more…)

Thought that might wake you guys up.

Well the FB came by earlier (no, that ain’t her up there) tried to help me relax.  Moving on….
David Hasselhoff nearly dies of alcohol poisoning (Celebslam) - AGAIN.  Poor guy will get right eventually.  And yeah I’m sounding like a total hypocrite since I’m beer number 3 right now.  Shut up.

Trent Reznor is getting married (ContactMusic) - wow.  That’s kinda weird hearing; it’s kinda like hearing your stoner cousin who always stays locked up in his room is getting married.  Srsly, best to him and his bride-to-be.  Wow.  Feel like I’m REALLY behind the curve now. 

Megan Fox shows up in at Esquire in print and video (Egostatic!) - at this point there’s no denying that Megan is hot piece of ass.  That said, just get nude already.  I’m bored.  Really.

Robert Downey Jr to play the OTHER role he was born to play - Hugh Hefner (GoneHollywood) - this one is a no-brainer.  That makes me wonder; what happens when Hef passes on?  Who gets to become the next Playboy?  … Better revisit my resume.

Pink is not a lesbian!  Is too.  Is not.  Is too.  Is not times infinity!  (TheSuperficial) - you get the idea.  I say put Pink in a room with candlelights, champagne, and Kelly McGillis.  Give them 15 minutes and Kelly will get to bottom of it … or her.  Or whatever.

Hugh Jackman named his Mr. Winky “James Roger” (AllieIsWired) … what?  “Mr. Winky” is a perfectly good name for a penis.  What do you name yours!?

Hayden Panettiere had some shit stolen (Celebslam) - of course the prevailing joke is this leprachaun got her pot of gold stolen.  Well, I’d take her pot of PINK anyday of the week.  Where are those DAMN roofies????

Alright, now for those who don’t know already; Unca Chaoz here is a comic book geek.  Specifically, DC Comics.  And specifically of THAT, mostly non-superhero.  Sgt. Rock, G.I. Combat, Kamandi, House of Mystery, etc.  That’s my forte.  Well they’re not making any of those titles anymore; except a western comic.

Jonah Hex.

I’ve got a soft spot for the book.  He’s basically a disfigured Clint Eastwood “Man With No Name” character.  He was born to an alcoholic dad who beat the shit outta him and then sold his ass off to an Indian tribe.  He saved the tribal chief and was made an honorary ’son’ of the chief.  This would piss off the chief’s real son and saw Jonah as a rival.  Eventually, on a raid against another tribe Jonah was left for dead by his rival.

After serving in the Confederate infantry he would eventually make his way back to the tribe where his rival challenged him to a tomahawk duel.  The chief’s son however had sabotaged Jonah’s weapon and Jonah kills his rival with a hidden knife after realizing what had happened.  The chief, however, felt that what Jonah did was ‘cheating’ and for his sin was scarred on his right side with a burning tomahawk.

A pariah to both white men and red; he became a bounty hunter.  Make his living bringing wanted men - dead or alive.

That’s from memory, motherfuckers.

Anyhoo - they have FINALLY decided to make a movie about one of my all time favorite characters.  Of course, they’re gonna fuck it up.  How?  Two words (more…)