CelebrityFIST!

THE FIST OF 02/15/10
MechaHeidi Montag … Blake Lively … Robert Patterson … Tila Nguyen … Kevin Smith …

MechaHeidi celebrates Valentines - well in this case ‘celebrates’ means inviting photographers to take pictures of your overall-ed ass (literally) in ’sexy’ lingerie.  Well I’m sure its sexy lingerie if it was on anyone else OTHER than Heidi Montag.  Also, I’m pretty sure she can’t get too close to any open flames without the possibility of MELTING.

Blake Lively has decided she wants to take her clothes off for Playboy!  There’s a hitch … well, 2.5 MILLION hitches to be exact.  Seems Blake wants a big payday for going ‘full monty’ in the magazine.  Now, if I were Hef (and I ain’t); I’d say $2.5M?  No problem but I want the WHOLE ENCHILADA (if you know what I mean).  This “coyly hiding” behind mud and handbras?  No way.  I’d tell her, “get up on the stirrups - and now work it!”

Robert Patterson: “I’m allergic to vagina.“ - … BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!    No really, this is easily the stupidest quote of the year.  Even if he is gay (and he still refuses to admit it), its an idiotic quote.  I can imagine him breaking out in hives if he gets wind of bad fish. 

Tila Nguyen almost died again - like totally!  She apparently fell and ‘dented’ her head (like anyone could tell on her deformed skull to begin with).  Shit you know, when she finally kicks the bucket - I’m seriously not gonna believe it.  And knowing this dented bitch she’d STILL manage to Twitter from the Great Beyond/Abyss (depending on your belief system).

Kevin Smith is fat.  Yeah I know not really news but he’s “officially” too fat for Southwest Airlines.  Now after Smith went Twittershit, Southwest caved in like a pussyified boyfriend and apologized.  The thing is though I’m a kinda chunky guy so you have to be REALLY FUCKIN’ FAT to get kicked off of Southwest.  I’m just sayin’.

I could’ve put on a really bad pic of Jacko, but since this one had boobs…
Yeah, I’m back.  Lets see how long I can keep this up till the next catastrophe strikes.  Hmm?

Well, my life sucks right now but it could be worse.  Could be Michael Jackson.  Yeah, I know he’s still dead (what a shock).  But the man is still missing something, now what could that be? (more…)

first thing I thought of when I saw all the ‘news’…
So I am home from work for a change before midnight the next fucking day and what should I find.  More Michael Jackson news.  Ok, I get it - he was a great singer (when he was lucid) and a great entertainer (when he wasn’t crazy).  He loved the world (though underage boys just a little more) and the world loved him (when it was making money off his lunacy or his dead body - like now).  *Sigh*

Look the kids (whoever they’re biological father is) miss him enough already.  We gotta go back and find out how he got fucked up in the first place???  Gee, that’s a little fucking late now isn’t it???

So the blogs are choking with “revelations” that Michael Jackson got hooked to painkillers after his horrific accident shooting that Pepsi commercial where his hair caught on fire.  I’m not posting it but info is available here, here, here, here, here, and possibly here.

*sigh*  This is easily the most boring piece of news on the planet and its all over the place.  Jesus Jehosephat Christ!!  He was light up like a fucking match and you THINK this is where the addiction to painkillers came from?????

::bangs head on keyboard (x5)::

Ugh, its a good thing I’m drunk already…

‘Circus’?  More like ‘Freakshow’.
As you can tell with the Catching Up With posts, I’m trying to - well “catch up” on the news.  Sorry but look at this way, a nice condensed version of all the shit they do.  Case in point:  Britney Spears.

She’s still on tour, which is kinda miracle in a way since I was positive this thing would been cancelled 4 shows in with Britney feigning “exhaustion” or something.  Nope, she’s still cranking it out - and leaving a path of destruction behind her.

First on April 19th in Anaheim - she … uh, leaves something sticking out.  Urp.

Next on April 22nd in Oakland - she leaves her hair behind…

Then on May 3rd in Ucansville, CT - this little story to remind us why she should have never reproduced.

[Britney’s sons Jayden and Sean] pulled down the silk drapes and broke an expensive vase in the living room. They also left crayon marks all over the walls. … One of the boys messed in his pants while in the pool — leaving other swimmers horrified.  (PopCrunch)

Well the American part of the tour is over (thank the Gods); but she still found time to make one more - um - splash before moving on to Europe.

The pop tart took time off from her “Circus” tour to do an Elle magazine shoot, our spy says, and it was a disaster. “They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes — and, well, let’s just say she forgot what time of the month it was. It wasn’t pretty.” A rep for Spears didn’t return e-mails. But at least she didn’t let her dog poop on the clothes like she did at an OK! magazine shoot last year. (NYPost)

Three things:  1)  EW!EW!EW!EW!  2) She can still reproduce.  &  3) EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!

…at least that’s all I can come up with regarding these photos.

Other than the fact that it looks like some was trying to take chunks outta Jennifer Garner; she actually looks kinda hot in these pics taken outside of “The Late Night” stuidos.  I can’t find any explanation for these in the Nets as of yet.

…
Wait a minute… “chunks outta”…. (more…)

Turn it off!  TURN IT OFF!

Well the shots of Lisa Rinna from Pl_yb_y have come out and … um.  Gee, how do I put this?

Ok - they suck.

At least the magazine has learned its lesson with from the last time so that photos merely looked altered as opposed to outright computer generated.  *Sigh*  I remember fondly when it was the fap-o-choice.

Now?  Shit, I could pass for Details with tits.

I really don’t know whose idea it was to get Lisa Rinna to pose.  Waste of money.  Further, if they’re going to airbrush shit couldn’t they have least fixed her lips????

OMG - what if that was the best Photoshop could do? 

(more…)

Fuck me and die (pretty much)

Well, this little article perked my ears up.  Seems there’s celebutards the world over.  Of course, this one may be a little more ‘evil’ than most…

A German pop star has been arrested for allegedly infecting a sexual partner with HIV.  No Angels star Nadja Benaissa, who is HIV-positive, was arrested before a show in Frankfurt on Saturday and now faces up to 10 years behind bars for having unprotected sex.  Reports suggest she had unsafe sex with three partners and neglected to tell them she is HIV-positive.  At least one man has contracted the virus from her, reports the BBC.

Benaissa has been charged with causing grievous bodily harm. (ContactMusic)

Wow.  If true she is truly a vindictive and disturbed person.  I mean its one thing to have it have use all sorts of protection but to not use any at all and NOT tell your partner?  Wild.

Further, there’s no indication that she had told the media she was HIV positive beforehand; if the media was aware did they announce it?  If they did, how could her partners not at least think about it?  If they didn’t announce it, why did they hide it?

More questions, curiouser and curiouser…

Too bad, kinda hot too.

I was rummaging thru the Net trying to find what to post for tonight’s “Saturday Night Porn” and came across what I think is easily the worst set of boobs I’ve seen.

I feel bad for Melissa Jacobs.  No, really.  Here is this nice attractive girl and that little voice (probably her ‘agent/boyfriend’) tells her to get some boobs.  So what does she do?  She cuts an orange in half, freezes it in liquid nitrogen and then has it inserted into her chest.  YUCK!

Mean fake gigantic boobs are ugly but you know damn well they’re fake.  Fake little boobs though are as if you tried to pass’em off as real but got megabusted (another example are Tara Reids horrible nipplesteins)

So you tell me - worst ever or not?  Examples maybe posted to mock compare. (more…)

Oh SO close…
Okay, it’s actually Kendra Wilkinson Janice Dickinson showing off(?) her new plastic surgery.  I guess.  I think.  Maybe not.

She’s obviously happy though.

…

Or she got and overdose on Botox. Again.

(thanks for the catch guys!)