CelebrityFIST!

ZOMG!!!1!! Did u here that Miley Cyrus left Twitter!?! 

WTF!?  Its just too much - OMG I think…

Blech - I can’t do that for too long; my nose starts to bleed (gets tissue).

So anyway, Miley Cyrus cancelled her Twitter account and for some reason were supposed to care.  Fortunately , Miley has decided to tell us.  Not just in a statement, but in a video.  And not just a regular video, but a music video.

Oh and not just a music video …. a rap video.

What I like is that she says/sings “she wants her private life private”.  Umm, stop posing with you Daddy half-naked and we’ll believe you.  Or stop dressing like a $10 hooker and we might let it go.

Also, if she REALLY wants her privacy, she should cancel also her Facebook page.

Her Myspace page.

Her YouTube account.

Her website(s).

Her email address(es).

… I don’t see that happening for some reason.

Lastly, I dunno about you but I’d be very wary if my 16-year-old daughter started to hang around with girls with ‘tramp stamps’.  Just saying…

I never thought I’d say this but - I think I liked it better when Miley Cyrus was that stupid Hannah Montana on tour and not this jailbait ho.   Shit I don’t want my kids to see her like this … and I don’t even have kids!

(old man voice)

Back in my day, sonny; we used to know our whores were at least legal - AND WE LIKED IT THAT WAY! (spits into spitoon).

Well, here are more pics and - if you enjoy them - uh, I don’t wanna know m’kay?  Ok.

Great thing about gettin’ drunk at home?  You can get ticketed for SWI (surfing while intoxicated).  However, then you have to wonder $600 worth of electronics you don’t need (true story). (more…)

Capable of even turning off molesters…

I realize that the jailbait quotient recently has been a little high.  And it’s not going to go down with this post…

Ali Lohan is shown here taking home groceries.  Now, why are pictures of a burnt-out chick being posted?  Well, I’d like to remind you that she’s only 15 (DOB 12/15/93 - I actually checked to make sure).

You know there’s different ways of looking “older than your age”.  This is easily how NOT to look it. 

First of all she doesn’t even look like a Lohan (I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a compliment or not).  Her lips look like they’re freshly collagenated.  Her face has such a weird tan to it that it looks like someone placed her face first onto a stove.  Plus she’s got that emanciated look that looks like a coked-out model that’s had one purge too many.

…

All in all this is a REALLY bad look on anybody.  On a fifteen year old who should (theoretically) have a … YOUNG look, she instead comes across as someone desperately trying to maintain her relevance after a long career (Geena Davis comes to mind for some reason).

Then I realize she’s Lindsay Lohan’s sister so I can only assume Dina (their ‘blessed’ mother) is responsible for this look.  Yeesh.  At the rate Ali’s going she’s gonna look like Jenna Jameson by the time she’s 18.

Now I KNOW that ain’t compliment. 

Rob Lowe was looking for you earlier

Here’s Taylor Momsen (16) out and about in New York (16).  (more…)

Okay getting logistics outta the way.  I found this TheBlemish who found it on the DListed, so bitch to them first before griping to me.

This pic is of Noah Cyrus (9-year-old sister of 16-year-old Miley Cyrus) at a pre-party for the Teen Choice Awards that was held at Level 3 in Hollywood on Wednesday.  Noah is the one in the back left.
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…

Where do I even begin???

Lets start with the notion of a “pre-party” for grade school kids on a school night.  Lets continue that with said “pre-party” held in Hollywood (that bastion of family fun).  What else am I missing?

Oh yeah - they’re posing around a goddamn pole like strippers!!  What the holy jumping jehosphat fuck??

Look, to be fair - its probably just a ‘regular’ pole but you’re gonna tell me the photographer just decided to use the pole as an object de photo?  ::keyboardhead:: (x8)
I don’t have kids - but if I saw my underaged kid in a photo like THIS; I’d beat the living shit outta the guy who took it?  WTF?!  No really.  This is probably the same type of dude who goes to kids side of water parks for some “artistic photography”.

Goddamn it another beer…

Girl … you’ll be a whore woman soon…
Let me introduce you to Taylor Momsen - she’s ’stars’ on Gossip Girl (which is pissant show but has a lot of hot chicks in it so it gets a past).  Anyway, Taylor turned 16 on Sunday.

No, really.

Seriously, quit laughing.  REALLY.  Check it out.

There’s not much to say here but that:  1) Sweet Jesus Christ she looks like complete shit, 2) I wouldn’t do her even if it was legal (Jupiter only knows what bacteria her cesspool contains, & 3) THIS is why I don’t want kids.

I’m sorry if I ever had a kid and she went out like this - well, I’m doing what bees do - lock’em up in the room with wax.  Leave a small hole to shove food thru and wait till she turns 18 and matures (hopefully).