CelebrityFIST!

Wow - just after dealing with the Michael Jackson mess now I see these Mariah Carey pictures which only leave me with a headache.

*sigh*  Well, it seems that this pics are of her filming her latest music video, “Obsessed” (no, don’t know the song).  Anyway, apparently she dresses up as a dude in some of these and supposedly take a shot at Enimem by dressing up in a hoodie.  I “apparently” because I don’t think Enimem is a gay Puerto Rican trick-turner (but hey I’m still catching up on my gossip, so I guess its possible).

Well I tried to intersperse the ‘dude’ pics with the ‘chick’ pics if only for variety - and only so my head don’t hurt so much.  On the plus side, she still has a nice set of lungs as a chick and I would still totally ram it down her vocal cords but I’m afraid these ‘dude’ pics now put her in the “2 Drink minimum” category.
Sorry, Mimi.  Stick as a chick.

No, really.  I didn’t need to know how big your vagina is now…

I really tried to lust for Katy Perry.  Really.  She’s got big tits.  I mean, how do you screw that up?  Seriously? (more…)

There are simply some things that should occur.  Take Beyonce’s atrocious song “Single Ladies“.  Never mind the fact the song is stupid in and of itself, the video is just her and some back up dancers dancing.  Yawn.  NEXT!

Then comes Justin Timberlake doing send-up of it on Saturday Night Live and suddenly its this internet sensation.  Especially when apparently every irritating attention whore decides to do their own weretarded version of Beyonce’s weretarded video.

NOW?  We get Joe Jonas - who never looked straight in the first place - doing his version of the video.  Franklyk we here at ChaozCentral are both stunned and proud.  Stunned because - well just look at the damn thing!  Proud?  Well, it’s never easy coming outta the closet I’m sure but at least he did it in such a flamboyant manner!  Good for him.

At least now when I hear of an annoying teenybopper going nuts for the Jonas Brothers, all I have to do is dialup this video on my phone and I’ll get to enjoy the tears the stupid brat will shed as she watches her idol dancing in pumps.  Poorly.

Yes - I’m asshole; but we’ve established that haven’t we?

Hey Pammy!  How’s it hangin’?

Here though?  More like the dragging back bumper of a Dodge Dart with a turned over odometer and rusted tailpipe dragging on the asphalt, occasionally making sparks behind it.

What?  It’s true!  Oh and me?  Um, er - rusted out 67 Cougar with a bad brakes and taped up steering wheel. 

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!!

SHE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THE HILTON SISTERS!!! 

The ‘Poker Face’ singer - who is well known for her eccentric clothing and party lifestyle - can’t stand the thought of life away from the public eye and wouldn’t be able to cope with normal life.

She said: “There are times when it can be a lot to deal with but always when I get up in the morning I try to find that very joyful place that reminds me that I would die if someone took it all away. If someone did that I wouldn’t be a person any more.”

But the eccentric star, who went to the elite Convent of the Sacred Heart School with Paris and Nicky Hilton, relishes the opportunity to be herself.

She said: “Right now the only thing that I am concerned with in my life is being an artist. I had to suppress it for so many years in high school because I was made fun of but now I’m completely insulated in my box of insanity and I can do whatever I like.” (ContactMusic)

Ye gods!  And a convent at that!!

What the hell?  Is it built on an ancient burial ground?  Perhaps the Necronomicon is buried there?  Maybe it was the former grounds of Miskatonic Tech?  Brrr!

Well shit, no wonder she’s mental.  She probably got picked on by the Hiltons and it fucked with her head.  Or maybe she got the Herp from them.  Who knows.  All I know is that apparently the mental virus that Paris has is airborne.  FUCK!

To hell with Swine Flu - we gotta stop the Paris Effect!!  I’m getting duct tape and masks right now.  See you later!!!

AGGGH!! MY EYES! MY PENIS!

Well now some time later…. OH SNAP!  Wha’ happened?  She looks like a bargain clown you get at the last minute for your girlfriend’s kid’s birthday.  And the only reason you spring for it is because you’re trying to get the desperately needed blowjob that no one else will give you because you’re a fat bastard who can’t see his weenie without sucking in his gut into a black hole and you spent all your money on beer that only causes your already fat gut to get fatter.

…

But I digress.  (Man, I gonna therapy after today!    )

No seriously, she looks terrible.  Maybe she’s between stylists.  Surely she has one on call or something?  I’m mean, shit - she’s coming outta a limo.  You don’t buy those things; you rent’em.  You can rent a limo but not someone to tell you that “Girrrl!  You look like a Cindy Lauper and Boy George’s love child!”   Shit, I’ll do it!  Pay me $1500 a week and tell you you look like shit or not.

What?  $1500 not enough?

“Well I’ll do anything for a blond dyke / And she’ll do anything for the limelight”
I like Kanye West’s music.  What can I say?  I like some of his songs.  He’s also a dumbass who thinks that just because people like his music we’ll like everything else comes outta his mouth.  Wrong.

Well, this post isn’t about him, fortunately.

It IS however about his girlfriend, Amber Rose.  Ok, she’s got a banging body; but WTF is going on with that get up and crew cut????

I mean she obviously wants to show off her body (all well and good so far) but she’s wearing stilletos, a sports bra, and short shorts.  Um … laundry day?  She don’t need money around Kanye … or maybe she does whatever Kanye wants (which has some rather disgusting overtones on its own).

Also this androgynous look just looks bad on her.  This is the type of look that would make me VERY worried in New Orleans or Brazil.  I’m not a guy looking for ‘something extra‘, dig?  Hell, the last time I saw a shemale was on a video.  I had to look at that damn thing like 8 or 9 times just to make sure how disgusted I was!!

…
(uh …. I meant to think that … so … um, never mind about that)

Anyway, she needs to grow the hair out and maybe go with a bikini top.  Hell, at this point I say keep the crew cut and just go with something more conservative.  How about red patent leather boots, matching bustier and riding crop?

Happy to be a hobo…

Wow, I didn’t realize that Drew Barrymore had hit the skids again.  Obviously she’s still waiting for that call for Charlie’s Angels 3: On Patrol.  Hang in there girl, it’ll get better!

I hope that she goes back to the thrift store where she found that jacket cause her pants look like shit.

… maybe we need to start a telethon or something.

Still waiting for the “I sucked a dick” song…
I really want to like Katy Perry but the not even the DOM (Dirty Old Man) in me wants her.  She’s got big tits and all but frankly she an ‘open mouth, insert dick’ girl from my point of view.

Anyway, here’s some pics of her doing her singing thing with a giant blow up lipstick which she plays with, strokes the tip, then tosses aside.  Hey bitch that’s MY gig! 

Plus she’s singing into something that seems be a microphone/dildo.  Though it would probably be painful with all those rhinestones on it.  Heh, knowing her she HAS used it as a dildo.

The cherry on it is a nice touch.

Gallery from CelebrityOdor: