CelebrityFIST!

Lets turn up the uncomfortable notch to 14, shall we?

Below is a DWI cam video.  Kinda like one that is floating of me (no, really - I’ve seen it).  Except this is one of Sahel Kazemi.  Who you ask? Well, no one REALLY important - other than the fact she put four bullets in ex-football star Steve McNair about 48 hours after this video.

so…

obviously, things could be WORSE for me. 

One of the good ones…

Well a couple of days ago David Carradine died in Bangkok, Thailand.  I would’ve posted about it but was in the middle of a mega-bender that spanned a good day and half and two six-packs of 20 oz. cans of Miller High Life and Lone Star.  AND alternating between the two.

It’s taken me all of Friday just to recover enough to drag my ass to work.

But I digress…

Yup, “Bill” himself David Carradine died and - well, it looks like a decent shitstorm is brewing over it.  See.  It started with people saying it was suicide.  However, this quickly gave way to a “death by misadventure” as noted by the now infamous “rope tied around his neck and genitals”.

However, the shit is REALLY starting to hit as Carradine’s manager

Chuck Binder, Carradine’s manager, tells us he firmly believes Carradine did not take his own life — nor does he think David died accidentally. Binder says the family has been told Carradine’s hands were immobilized by the rope.

Carradine was found by a hotel maid Thursday morning with a rope tied around his neck and another around his genitals in a Bangkok hotel room. (TMZ)

This was subsequently chimed in by Carradine’s attorney.

Just recently, RadarOnline sent out this exclusive where a Thai tabloid published a “death photo” of Carradine:

David Carradine’s family is horrified that a photo has been published that shows the dead actor hanging, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

A tabloid newspaper in Thailand published the photo Saturday, shadowing much of the body, but still showing explicit details of the death scene.

The shocking published photo shows Carradine with his hands tied in front of him, hanging from the support bar in a closet.

Tattoos on the lower half of his nude body can be seen.

Discoloration of the skin on the lower extremities indicates he had been dead for hours before being found, according to people familiar with the situation.

First of all, my deepest condolences to the Carradine family.  Second, personally if his hands were tied I’m having a tough time imagining how he could’ve done this by himself.  Third, we all know that Thai police are above ANY type of bribery so what they’re saying MUST be true.  Right?

Yeah, get your umbrella, this is gonna get messy.

Who da man? HE DA MAN!

… ok, “drinking buddy” only in the sense that we both drink and I think we’d be buddies if we were in the same bar.

… ok, so he’s probably more like “THE MAN” than against “THE MAN”

… ok, you can’t really “keep him down” because he probably makes more money than all of us put together.

But otherwise that IS a true statement.

The point is that Kiefer won’t have to go to trial because he apologized to the pussy dude he headbutted a couple of weeks back.

Sutherland apologized to fashion designer Jack McCollough, who had claimed the 24 star broke his nose in a scuffle at a New York nightclub May 5.
“I am sorry about what happened that night and sincerely regret that Mr. McCollough was injured,” Sutherland said in a joint statement released to the Associated Press.
McCollough said in the statement: “I appreciate Mr. Sutherland’s statement and wish him well,” according to AP (People)

However, if know I Kiefer (and I don’t); he probably had his fingers crossed the whole time and once inside his limo, he cracked open a nice bottle of tequila, poured himself a nice tall shot, and drank while young naked nubile coeds annointed him with oils…

… whoops!  Sorry, got my daydream mixed up in there.  My bad. 

Hulk Hogan - oh wait - no… that’s right.

There many different ways to react to getting a divorce, being kicked out the house, and your spouse spending mad amounts of money.  Lots of ways…

This is NOT a smart one, though:

HULK Hogan is sounding homicidal over the way his wife Linda dumped him, forced him out of his $18 million mansion, allegedly started spending his money at the rate of $40,000 a month and dating “some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior,” Rolling Stone reports. “I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody’s throat,” he told the magazine. “You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it.” He and Linda are battling it out in a Florida divorce court, where Linda’s attorney claims she’s entitled to use the car and that Hogan’s claims against her are merely an attempt to control her love life. (NYPost)

Of course, it should be noted that OJ was found innocent of those crimes.  … I mean he did it (most likely) but he was found innocent. 

Hulk - you may wanna talk to your lawyer.  Today’s word - PREMEDITATION.

Beats sunflower seeds any day!

BEHOLD, the greatest vending machine of all time!

Fox News:

LOS ANGELES —  The city that popularized the fast food drive-thru has a new innovation: 24-hour medical marijuana vending machines.

Patients suffering from chronic pain, loss of appetite and other ailments that marijuana is said to alleviate can get their pot with a dose of convenience at the Herbal Nutrition Center, where a large machine will dole out the drug around the clock.

Now a drive-thru would be cool, definitely put the “Happy” back into “Happy Meal”.  Of course, the po-po is none too thrilled with this development.

“Somebody owns (it), it’s on a property and somebody fills it,” said DEA Special Agent Jose Martinez. “Once we find out where it’s at, we’ll look into it and see if they’re violating laws.”

The Drug Enforcement Agency and other federal agencies have been actively shutting down major medical marijuana dispensaries throughout the state over the last two years and charging their operators with felony distribution charges.

Having never done the drug myself (no, really!) I don’t see the problem with just legalizing it.  But then again, that’s probably why my political career died after I ran for troop leader in the Cub Scouts.  Not my fucking fault, but now I know why everyone loved my Mom’s brownies.

Whose the bigger boob?
First, I never thought I’d do an Al Sharpton post either - so we’re even…

Anyway, the Feds woke up some of Big Al’s buddies and instead of breakfast gave them subpoenas.  How thoughtful!

Teams of federal agents swooped down on up to 10 close associates of the Rev. Al Sharpton Wednesday, demanding the flamboyant clergyman’s financial records since 2001.  Sharpton’s former chief of staff said he was roused at his Harlem home about 6:30 a.m. by two FBI agents who handed him a subpoena to bring the records to a federal grand jury the day after Christmas.  Several employees of Sharpton’s National Action Network also got wakeup subpoenas to testify before the Brooklyn panel, the rabble-rousing reverend’s lawyer said.

The FBI and IRS are investigating whether Sharpton improperly misstated the amount of money he raised during his 2004 White House run to illegally obtain federal matching funds, a source familiar with the probe said.  The feds are also looking into allegations of tax fraud, including whether Sharpton commingled funds from his nonprofit National Action Network with several of his for-profit ventures, the source said.

Sharpton’s quixotic run for the Democratic presidential nomination has raised questions of financial impropriety - including charges that he spent campaign funds on swanky hotels.Sharpton’s associates were summoned to testify before the grand jury on the morning after Christmas. The subpoenas additionally called for them to provide the IRS with all financial records from the campaign and a half-dozen Sharpton-related businesses.

Personal finance records from Sharpton and his wife, Kathy, were also sought by investigators. (source)

There’s two things you never, EVER do with the government - lie to them or don’t pay your taxes.  They don’t like fucking around and they DEFINITELY want their cut of the pie.  My guess is that Al and the missus will suddenly have an urge to take that vacation to the Caymans.  Waddle, Al, waddle!

A few days ago, the Miss Puerto Rico Pageant was held and it expected would make a little splash after it was over.

The splash was hardly little and it occurred after the Pageant was done.

See, the winner Ingrid Marie Rivera apparently had to tear off her evening gown shortly after winning because “someone” not only put pepper spray in her evening gown but spiked her makeup as well. This caused her to break out in hives.

On the flip side, there are grumblings in the San Juan paper that not only was rude to the other contestants but that the entire pageant was rigged for her to win (in Spanish, sorry).
NOW – authorities are wondering show Ms. Rivera was able to keep her composure if her gown was truly sabotaged with pepper spray. Duh.

To further complicate matters, the Pageant’s Director (and owner) Magali Febles said that the final day of competition was postponed due to a bomb threat.

And we have some rather damning accusations comes from Lossip:

Personally, I have been following this competition prior to this nonsense ever hit the fan, and let me tell you something, no one likes the girl. I don’t buy for one minute her dress was pepper sprayed until after the contest.

Most American news sites may not know this, but the Magali Febles (the pageant director and owner) is a close and personal friend of the girl who won and her family.

This is public knowledge in Puerto Rico, and many critics wondered whether or not Febles would rig the pageant so that Ingrid, who is a veteran pageant winner (Miss World Caribbean 2005, Miss World Puerto Rico 2005, Miss Global Queen 2003) could win.

If she won, the Caribbean island would therefore have a more experienced female represent Puerto Rico in the pursuit for the title of Miss Universe. I’m telling you, this pageant was rigged rigged rigged

Curiouser and curiouser. If that were the case, I serious doubt that she now has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning the “Big One”.

In either case, here’s pics of Ms. Rivera just after the announcement she won…

And some other miscellaneous pics of her:

In just another sign of The Man holding a rich Black man down; Wesley Snipes was unable to get his tax evasion case moved to New York.  This even though his legal team tried to show that current location (Ocala, Florida) is racist.

From WENN:

U.S. prosecutors have rejected Wesley Snipes’ claims he won’t get a fair trial in Florida on tax evasion charges because of racial prejudice.

Snipes is due to stand trial in the city of Ocala in Marion County in January, on charges he fraudulently claimed tax refunds of almost $12 million in 1996 and 1997. He is also accused of failing to file tax returns from 1999 to 2004.

His legal team attempted to get the case moved to New York, alleging Ocala is “a hotbed of (Ku Klux Klan) activity” and that prosecutors chose it so Snipes would face an all-white jury.

But the claims have been described as “baseless” by federal prosecutors.

U.S. Attorney Robert O’Neill filed a complaint on Tuesday that reads, “Defendant Snipes’ motion hurls scurrilous and baseless accusations at the prosecution and citizenry of Ocala in an overwrought attempt to have this case dismissed or transferred to another venue.”

In other words, “shut the FUCK up”!

This isn’t like a chump change either: $12 million.  Makes you wonder if maybe he wrote off all of his cars as “investments” and his house as “a church” or something.  On the other hand, I haven’t seen him in anything in a LONG time … did he even MAKE $12 million in those years??

I say:  Fuck you.  I pay, you pay, Wes.  Now pay up.

Would you like fries with that?
From Splash News Online:

Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick Bollea, has lost his driving license for a year after being convicted for dangerous driving. The little Hogan was involved in a street racing accident in August that has left his passenger, John Graziano, in critical condition.

Hogan was arrested after turning himself in earlier this month on charges of reckless driving and has been ordered to pay an undisclosed fine.

That’s it? Loses his license for a year after nearly killing his “friend”? And who’s supposed to drive him around then? His mother?

Amazing how “the system” works only for some people. The rest, “let’em slide - they’re famous!”

Grrrrrr…

Yeah, I’ll be honest I don’t know who she is. Apparently she’s a UK Model and “reality” star (how the FUCK do you ’star’ in ‘reality’?). Unimportant. What is important (at least for us at Chaoz Central) is that she charges “only” $20 grand (£10,000) to fuck her.

Yes, the sluggish economy is apparently even hitting celebrities.

So this guy from News Of The World (kinda like The National Enquirer but without scruples) manages to hook up for a “date” with Sophie for the agreed price. She then makes a complete ass of herself (as if being a whore weren’t enough) by:

bitching about other celebs like Kate Moss…

“She’s about to screw up again. She is a fuckng nightmare. She has got big, big problems,” said Sophie. “She’s not clever. She’s got that innocence about her and men always get really protective over her.”

Sophie also made a disgusting sexual slur about Kate that cannot be printed.

expounding on her sexual prowess…

(S)he was “cool” with giving her punter oral sex. “I know that I’m great in bed,” she added. “But if I don’t feel comfortable with something I’m not going to go along with it and be fake. I don’t do the whole fake thing.”

promoting herself and her friend will fuck the guy for the weekend (for an extra fee, of course)…

(S)he didn’t hate it that much when our man asked how much she would charge for a weekend sex romp in the Bahamas.

“It’ll be 15 grand a day,” she said. Sophie then offered to bring girlfriends. After she rang three pals, one of them agreed to go for £5,000.

“She’s got long dark hair, she’s a bit younger than me, she’s one of my best friends,” said Sophie.

“If you are going to have fun, you are going to have a few drinks, a few lines, at the end of the day, it’s quite laid back.”

and snorting up enough coke to make Robert Downey Jr jealous…

She was keen to make sure the sex was fuelled by cocaine. So she offered to call her cocaine dealer, a girl called Isabella. “It’s £50 a gram. And it’s in rocks as well—it’s not cut,” said Sophie. “She’s very trustworthy. She’s a friend of mine. This is the only person I go to and she stops working at 11.”

Worse, still? The guy got it on video. Check and fucking mate, Ms. Anderton.

Snorting video

Stripping video

Her and a friend for fucking video

Of course, since this she has lost a six-figure endorsement contract and now has decided to enter rehab. Surprise, surprise. If this doesn’t pan out she can always host “Pimp My Bitch Up” - only on Fox!

I decided NOT to show the same crappy vidcaps as everyone else, so here’s some good ones of her… (more…)