CelebrityFIST!

So I’m finally back on the celebrity beat and lets see whats going on.  Oh yeah, well remember how Tila Tequila Nguyen - the former cocktease cum famewhore - said she and Johnson & Johnson heir Casey Johnson were engaged a few weeks back.  Yeah, that didn’t last very long.  Mainly cuz Casey DIED of ‘natural causes’ (i.e.: probably drugs - drugs are natural right?).

Well Tila has been so distraught that she has taken to Twitter to post ‘over 9000′ messages since she died (like a couple of days ago).  Mind you she ‘quit’ Twitter a couple of months back to.  And she also was going to kill herself too.

Anyhoo, The Johnson family had Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips go by and pick up Casey’s belongings including her pet dogs.  This presumably because they didn’t want Tila’s ‘touch of death’ to affect the dogs as well.  Or maybe they though she would eat them - which is a terrible thing to think! 

Tila - in typical famewhore fashion does the sensible thing and calls the cops (and the paps) to see the spectacle.  She apparently was afraid that the dogs would be ‘put down’ (which is kinda ironic since Casey was ‘put down’ earlier).  After receiving assurance that they wouldn’t, she ‘let them go’ with Nicky and Bijou.

If you’re wondering why I just typed all this just for a boring piece of news.  Well, its fucking 30F outside and I’m off today so I gotta have something to kill the time with.

BTW, Tila?  Yeah, next time you say you’re going to kill yourself you better do it otherwise Death is gonna get pissed and take someone you care about instead.  Its already happened once.

EDIT - Jimbo noted I should have posted pictures since I made you all read about the little dwarftard.  And he’s right.  So without further ado are some nudes of her (back when when she was less annoying).  Enjoy!

Mena Suvari went to Cabo San Lucas this weekend (while the rest of slaved away).  On the bright side, she reminded us why she’s still relevant.   (more…)

I never get this lucky where an attractive woman like Blake Lively is walking towards me and her dress suddenly begins falling off.  Fuck, I don’t even get that in my dreams.  I get the ex-psychobitch who was always looking for a handout come out of nowhere and tell my coworkers and parents I’m dead so suddenly my phone is going thermonuclear and I have to explain: (more…)

Holly Madison - the face that sank a thousand ships.

Okay, maybe I’m being harsh.  No, wait - no I’m not.  (more…)

Amazing what a month or so can do, eh?  Last we saw Jodie Marsh she was in “hyper-trash” mode (as noted on the pic on the left above).  Granted not good for a jump, but I’d take a toss in the “VIP room”, know what I mean?  Especially once she - and I - were drunk.  Afterwards, money and awkward looks would be exchanged.  I’d make sure everything was nice and neat and we left the room at different times.

…ah good times.  But I digress.. (more…)

Species IV: The Succubus Strikes!

You know there’s a reason why I group all of Paris Hilton’s antics together and dump’em in one post.  Because face it, a little Paris goes a very long way (particularly if you get the herpes from her).

So, in full glory is Paris Hilton ‘expressing’ her ‘love’ for her ‘boyfriend’, Doug Reinhart.  Sorry, if you’ve eaten lunch.  My apologies. 

Now I’m not gonna lie and say I’ve never had a french kiss but this…this looks so wrong.  Seriously, it looks like she swallows live rats for lunch.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see the corpses of several ex-boyfriends still lying in her gullet.

…PIN-NO-CHIO!!!

Also, she’s apparently come t-h-i-s close to having outright public sex.  Hell, the French are tolerant but even they have standards about bestiality…
Of course that’s not to say this is only idiotic thing Paris has done.  So far on her trip, she’s flashed her panties - AGAIN (see below), she lost her phone - AGAIN.  She also attempted to charge clubs $100,000 for her to grace her presence (no one bought).  Plus, if a blind item is correct; Doug may have freaked after losing his coke down a toilet.

Meanwhile, back home; her neighbors have had enough of her even though she’s actually only been there for a few days:

The neighbor says Hiltie is ruining his life. She’s lived there a grand total of 5 days … already cops have been called twice because of loud parties, screaming and yelling, and vandalism.
The house in the Hollywood Hills had been listed at $22,000 a month. So the neighbor is willing to give the landlord $27,000 a month if Paris goes away.
And get this … we’re told the neighbor complained to Doug yesterday about all the ruckus since Paris moved in. Doug said, “This is what you have to expect because Paris and I are public figures. (TMZ)

The ironic thing is that Paris Hilton is so desperate to make money she should just have the neighbor’s pay HER to not live in the house while she pays the rent on it.  Oh wait, she doesn’t have anymore non-herpified brain cells left.  Nevermind.

Thin line between love and hate, indeed.

You know I’ve decided to just waste one post on these two idiots lovebirds (Chris Brown and Rihanna) rather than the requisite 5000 everyone seems to be throwing at them.  So basically all I’ve done is run through Celebslam (who does this shit better than I do) - catching up myself and now I catch you all up on the drama.

Because misery loves company, don’tchya know?

Alright, well last week pictures of THE CAR (where the smackdown took place) showed up on Radar Online with some noted blood stains in the interior (kinda hard to make out honestly IMO).  Later that day he went to court for arraignment; where despite last minute attempts at a deal the LA District Attorney charged him with two felonies:  assault and making criminal threats.

Then Celebslam posts up a transcript of Rihanna’s take on events.  Really unpleasant stuff and pretty explicit threats.

Oh yeah and at the arraignment, Brown’s lawyer got a continuance til April 6th.  No plea from Brown.  Which basically means that this shit ain’t going NOWHERE for at least the next month.

Of course the continuance means Chris Brown now tries to go on the offensive by first attempting a really stupid deal which the DA doesn’t bite at (obviously).  Also, Brown’s PR team goes into full spin overdrive by getting him to write a book on abuse …. with Rihanna.

Now if you read the transcript (and I’m sure you didn’t) this apparently all got started because Rihanna went ballistic because of three text messages Brown got with someone he had a prior sexual relationship with.  Well - according to TMZ - it turns out that’s his manager - Tina Davis.  Talking about taking her 10%, hmm?

And of course Rihanna is such a ‘good sport’ about getting her face beat in that she’s even singing a duet with our little beater.  Ain’t that special?

And for a nice coda here is a ’supposed’ IQ ad that CS found (I say ’supposed’ because you could easily fake this shit).  Kinda summarize this whole post, no?

Alright, I have no idea who she is.  According to Wiki she’s  “a Dutch glamour model and aspiring singer”.  Well she does have a nice set of lungs.

She also apparently had an affair with David Beckham (some soccer dude) and screwed around and sorta married Jenny Shimizu (who was Angelina Jolie’s boxlunch for a time).

Translation - she’s a megahoe.  That’s a good thing! 

Anyway, we’ve got some near-life size pics of her… (These are BIG!)

And the REAL reason for this post - nudity!  These from a topless beach.  Like I said nice lungs (after the jump)…

(more…)

For those 2 or 3 who read this blog, you know I’ve been out for quite some time, since then - quite has happened in the world at large…

…I…can’t…think of anything right now, but I’m sure you can Google something. Anyway…

I’ve decided to put up some stuff on specific people rather than try to right 14 different articles for one person on all the crap they’ve done. Also, I’m just concentrating on the last month; just so I can keep my sanity. Cool? Good.

So, first off we have Eva Longoria-Parker. Why start with her? Well, you gotta start somewhere right?

Well, some pics of her WAAY back in January (I think). Not a bad set of legs … for a fake midget (hereby dubbed “fidget”).

Apparently she’s also still(?) a spokesmodel for Bebe Kids Sport.  She doesn’t look bad in these

Somehow the ‘big’ scandal recently was that she was a model(!) - not even a nude one.  My dear, I’m getting the vapors!

So instead, let’s enjoy the fact that she’s got dark nipples (which will turn into burnt pepperoni slices once she has a kid).

Finally, some promo pics for her upcoming season of Desperate Housewives where she apparently is now a frumpy MILF or ELF or something.