CelebrityFIST! News Of The Day (Nearly Artificial Ed.)
Posted by: Chaoz in Sex Sells, In Denial, Medical Bloopers, Whore-lywood
THE FIST OF 02/15/10
MechaHeidi Montag … Blake Lively … Robert Patterson … Tila Nguyen … Kevin Smith …
MechaHeidi celebrates Valentines - well in this case ‘celebrates’ means inviting photographers to take pictures of your overall-ed ass (literally) in ’sexy’ lingerie. Well I’m sure its sexy lingerie if it was on anyone else OTHER than Heidi Montag. Also, I’m pretty sure she can’t get too close to any open flames without the possibility of MELTING.
Blake Lively has decided she wants to take her clothes off for Playboy! There’s a hitch … well, 2.5 MILLION hitches to be exact. Seems Blake wants a big payday for going ‘full monty’ in the magazine. Now, if I were Hef (and I ain’t); I’d say $2.5M? No problem but I want the WHOLE ENCHILADA (if you know what I mean). This “coyly hiding” behind mud and handbras? No way. I’d tell her, “get up on the stirrups - and now work it!”
Robert Patterson: “I’m allergic to vagina.“ - … BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! 
No really, this is easily the stupidest quote of the year. Even if he is gay (and he still refuses to admit it), its an idiotic quote. I can imagine him breaking out in hives if he gets wind of bad fish. 
Tila Nguyen almost died again - like totally! She apparently fell and ‘dented’ her head (like anyone could tell on her deformed skull to begin with). Shit you know, when she finally kicks the bucket - I’m seriously not gonna believe it. And knowing this dented bitch she’d STILL manage to Twitter from the Great Beyond/Abyss (depending on your belief system).
Kevin Smith is fat. Yeah I know not really news but he’s “officially” too fat for Southwest Airlines. Now after Smith went Twittershit, Southwest caved in like a pussyified boyfriend and apologized. The thing is though I’m a kinda chunky guy so you have to be REALLY FUCKIN’ FAT to get kicked off of Southwest. I’m just sayin’.
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