CelebrityFIST!

> > > W I D E   L O A D < < <

(both a description AND its capacity)

Maddox Likes Big Butts And He Cannot Lie - Eight year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt (why not Pitt-Jolie, Angelina?) apparently went to a Saints game with ‘dad’ Brad Pitt and was didn’t give a shit about the game…

A lengthy OK! investigation can now reveal that Maddox was more interested in the giant TV screens flashing pictures of Kim Kardashian in her luxury box.

“He has a huge crush on Kim,” a family insider tells OK!. “He thinks she is the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Well, he used the words ‘hottest girl’ to be exact.”

I think he likes big asses because his mom has the opposite (I think Angelina’s is concave actually).

Or maybe, he heard that she likes being peed on.  You know kids, just love to piss on everything. 

Ali Larter Flashes Panties, Many Go Blind - TheSuperficial has some pics of Ali upskirting at some party that none of us were invited to.  They infer vagina but are just panties.  However, they are definitely not safe for work.  Why?  Well, they show basically that her pussy is saggy.  No.  Really.  It seems she has a saggy pussy.  Which only implies that that thing has seen more turnover than AIG.  … Yeah, I know the joke sucks; its all I got right now okay?

Anyway, if you really wanna see saggy panties.  Go for it.  Just remember you can’t unsee it!

Tila Nguyen STILL won’t go away - Okay, Tila Nguyen was #1 on MySpace, got a reality show, got beat up (allegedly), got engaged to a woman (allegedly), her ‘fiancee’ died (that was legit), and now she’s pregnant (allegedly).  I give up with this one, I don’t understand how an elfin little POS like this does everything BUT a sex tape (supposedly one exists).  She truly is the personification of herpes - everytime she goes away (even for a moment) she comes back stronger, more virulent and typical antibiotics are no longer effective against her.  Fuck Swine Flu - we have Hoe Flu (H0-N0 strain).

Joe Jackson wants his ‘tree fitty‘ - Well Michael Jackson’s dad, Joe is still swinging away at the courts trying to get his (undeserved) slice of the pie.  Basically he’s looking for an ‘allowance’ from his son’s estate.  How touching.  I’d suggest that why doesn’t he just slice of pieces of Michael to sell - but, he’d probably think I was serious.

The elder Jackson is kinda like the Loch Ness monster in this case…

You know how I (and 99.999999% of all celeb blogs) basically have the same routine….

BIG PIC (usually a hot chick or a fugly pic from hell)

Various snarking remarks that range from mild irritation to borderline libel.

Bunch of LITTLE PICS (to reinforce said snark)

It’s a crude but very effective system that has worked for thousands of years on the Internet.

So - of course, I’ve decided to trash that for the most part.  I can’t do it.  I don’t have the patience for it.  Maybe if I was hopped up on alcohol all the time I could but - shit, even I need to sober up for work every once in a while (sides the disheveled look doesn’t work with patients after a while).

For example - do you all really want to see a picture of Rip Torn simply because he got arrested for carrying a loaded shotgun … into a bank … while intoxicated?   Eh, what?

The “Men in Black” actor has been taken into custody and booked on charges including burglary and possession of firearm without a permit. He is being held on $100,000 bond and is scheduled for a Monday appearance in Bantam Superior Court.

That’s an impressive three-fer if you ask me.  I mean usually you find the crap on “Cops” or something, but not a Hollywood notable.

Frankly, he shoulda just done a sex tape instead.  Shit, if Dustin Diamond can do it…