CelebrityFIST!

As I write this, Conan O’Brien is hosting his last show of “The Tonight Show“.  I’ve stayed outta this so-called entertainment news because I wanted to see how it played out till the end.

I played EXACTLY as I would’ve played it.

See, this is a shorthand version of what happened (assimilated version):  NBC got greedy back in 2004.  They wanted to keep Conan while he was on Late Night.  Well, the only way to keep him (cuz his contract was nearly up) was promise him the Tonight Show (hosted by Jay Leno) in 2009.  Well, between ‘04-’09 Leno solidified his hold over the Tonight Show (in the ratings).  NBC decided to wuss out and give Conan the gig BUT say “Leno, we still need you” (translation: don’t go somewhere else).  Leno - being the company peon he is at heart, agreed and did a stupid prime time show that sucked.

Well, NOW, NBC figured, okay let’s move Leno back to 11:30 Eastern for a half-hour and Conan goes to 12:05 and everyone moves back after that and all is right with the world.  Right?

Well Conan figured out (somewhat correctly) that moving a show that’s been on 55 years at the same time is somehow not the same.  Or more realistically, he realized that he had two choices: A) be a company dude and move half-hour back or B) whine and bitch about it till he got thrown out.

He, of course chose C) Maximum chaos, maximum damage, maximum payout.

You gotta admit, he played it well.  He made a firm stand that “The Tonight Show at 12:05 is not The Tonight Show”.  He then decided he wanted out.  In the process, he managed to:

• Turn people against Leno (who already has a history of ’swiping’ shows)
• Turn people against NBC
• Make himself look like a martyr
• Collect a minimum of $45 million for himself AND his staff
• AND create enough buzz around him to make people wonder if he’ll come back in 7 months (per agreement with NBC)

Seriously people, if I could find away to make future competitors look bad, have people turn on my employer, turn myself into a martyr, take care of my people, AND walk away with enough money so I don’t need to ever work again?  Face it - I’d do it and so would you.

So …. for the first - and perhaps ONLY time - we dub Conan O’Brien a ChaozDude.  Salud!

This is probably why I can’t pick up a woman.  I think if I saw her in real life and I was as blitzed as I am right now (7 beers and counting) I would probably gather enough ‘courage’ say say:

Hia, I think you’re wertty pretty and have bootiful eyebrowsss.  … Cause eyebrows are how you can tell what color your pubes are.

Plus it loosh likes its probably bushy.  But thas okay, I can work wid dat (breaks out Lady Schick razor).

And then its another night back at the pr0n (taps two terabyte drives).