CelebrityFIST!

Lets just start with the news item:

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A man who acts as a mascot for the New England Patriots is among 14 people who have been arrested for prostitution-related crimes in Rhode Island since a new law went into effect that banned indoor prostitution.

The bill signed into law in November made prostitution a misdemeanor crime regardless of where it occurs. Previously, indoor prostitution was allowed because of a legal loophole.

State Police say Robert Sormanti of Warwick was among those arrested in an undercover sting at a hotel. The Providence Journal reports Sormanti is among the team’s mascots. (sauce)

These three paragraphs gave me a headache and I had to drink a whole beer just to deaden the pain long enough to write this.

Okay.  First, a team mascot gets busted for trying to pay for sex [I have to believe he was buying because if he were selling that just increases the level of weirdness into a whole new level].  What did he do, have his costume on?  Did he call the football team and say “Uh, I need bail money and people keep trying to steal my oversized shoes.”  Was he retarded enough to actually put down that he was a team mascot when they busted him???

(shakes head)

Second, maybe I’m boneheaded in this way but pro mascots get no poon?  Really??  I used to know a dude who was a mascot for a university and he got chicks pretty readily.  Maybe university chicks are just easier but I find it hard to believe even a pro mascot can’t get a pity fuck at least once a year.  Shit, the Patriots won a Super Bowl not long ago - surely he got laid then?!

Third … how the fuck do you have to fix a loophole for indoor prostitution and more importantly - HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME THIS SHIT!?!?  Goddamn it, I feel like I’ve been getting cheated.

Fourth - that’s nothing (and I don’t condone this) but until recently Rhode Island also ‘allowed’ underage stripping.  When people think of “Sin Cities”; the list includes Bangkok, Rio, Amsterdam, Las Vegas, … and Providence????

Yeah, that just gave me another headache.  BRB - getting another beer.

Just letting ya know I’m stills alive.  And drunk.  And its fucking wet and cold outside.

…

Sounds like my ex-fiance.

Tiger Woods is on indefinite hiatus from golf.   I give him credit - it takes a loooooong time to remove a golf club from you ass - head first.

Bisexual has-been Aubrey O’Day tries to pick up Samantha Ronson (Lindsay’s ex) - and fails.  Okay here’s a question - what’s worse: going after Lindsay’s sloppy seconds or FAILING to get them?

Three-year-old Suri Cruise in heels.  Meanwhile somewhere in Switzerland, Roman Polanski is counting the days til he gets a ‘photoshoot’ with her.

Kim Kardashian doesn’t know the difference between teeth cleaning and teeth whitening.  Dumb bitch.

Pamela Anderson likes big penises.  Well duh.

Tila Nguyen’s newest love is in already in trouble with the law.  That took what, 30 minutes?