CelebrityFIST!

Reminds me - I need to restain my deck … I said DECK.

Okay this cigarette ain’t doing shit and I can’t drink til tomorrow (I’m off Thurs).  So I’m gonna make this short and sweet.

Olivia Drout is a model.  Olivia likes to tan.  Olivia likes to show us her tanlines.  Olivia makes my pants tight. (more…)

Believe it or not, NOT her best side!

Alright shitty joke.  And if you don’t what I’m talking about … well it just makes it all the shittier so lets move on, huh?

Anyway, Alice Graczyn is one model who knows she has a nice body.  Even better, she makes sure she lets the whole world know she does.  How thoughtful of her!    Frankly, nothing would please me more if people flashed more often - uh, at least those who have something worth flashing of course.  Would surely bring a smile to my face (unless it were a guy but I’m sure the ladies would like that).

Anyhoo, this is what is called an ‘unknown photoshoot’.  Don’t know where it’s from and found it in the tubes around here so enjoy!  Oh yeah, she does this flashing shoots alot so I’ll see if I can scrounge something up later. 

(lights cigarette)

For the record, I don’t normally smoke inside the house.  Hell, I don’t normally smoke period, but things have sucked at work and after barrelling thru 18 beers this past weekend (and half a bottle of tequila); I needed to destroy another vital organ…

Monday sucked as I didn’t get home until sometime around 11:30pm so I wasn’t in the mood to blog.  Hey at least I’m upfront about it.

Enough chatter - this chick’s name is Sammy Braddy and like most British chicks (apparently) she’s stacked like tits were goin’ outta style.  Must the crappy British diet or something all all the royal inbreeding.  (shrugs)

Anyway here she is in People Magazine - Australia  . I don’t get it our tabloids are full of the latest star garbage and everywhere else, its tits.  WTF?  I mean I know were repressed but COME ON! 

In case you’re wondering - yeah I’m gonna be this bitchy for the rest of the night.  Fair warning.

What?  Like political statements sound good when people are sober!?

Feh, the message is simple.  “THINK.”  No, really.  Is it that hard?  Or maybe it is.  We live in a world where nearly everything is only a touch, a keystroke, or scan away.  This maybe the first time in Human History where thinking is an active process (at least by our definition).

I’m guilty of this shit as anyone else.  How else do people get up into their eyeballs of debt and NOT think they have to pay it off - with interest!?    The point is WE bought the snake oil spiel; paid in full and got a pig-in-a-poke in return.

Yet, WE go ballistic.  We decide OMG!  We need action!  We need change!  We need an Mixed American as President!

Which is all well and good.  EXCEPT - he talks about fixing health care (well, MINE isn’t broken!?), Medicaid (WHAT!? I like my free drugs!!), Medicare (’death panels’ WHAT!?), gun control (where’s my gun … and bullets!?), etc. (where’s my etc!?)

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The point is that people want (nay, DEMAND) change … up and until it affects THEM.  Then it no longer becomes ‘change’ - it becomes ‘infringement’ … or ’socialism’ … or whatever boogieman works on the masses (at least those who vote).

Honestly?  If I were President at this moment (Heaven help us all) - I’d go for broke.  Since, people don’t like change.  Give them a SHITLOAD - that way they don’t know which way to turn and be pissed at off the most:

• introduce a bill to legalize gay civil unions (not ‘marriage’ - archaic term anyway)
• introduce a bill to legalize prostitution (with health checks under the National Health Care system and TAXING)
• introduce a bill to legalize marijuana (with lots and lots of taxes for everyone!!)
• introduce a bill to grant automatic citizen status to a peoples currently living here ‘illegally’
• introduce a bill to give national status to any party with more than 1000 active participants (two-party system, my ass)
• introduce a bill to decrease copyright and patent protections down to the proper 7 years (capitalism is supposedly about COMPETITION, amirite?)
• introduce a bill for a FLAT progressive tax (if the tax form is more than a page long - its too long)
• OH, and introduce a bill to increase Secret Service protection by 500% (I’d have to after THIS laundry list) 

Point is - change is necessary and guess what?  Change CAN be painful.  If you can’t hack it - go back to the 20th Century. Ok?

I really fuckin’ hate it when someone tells me I can’t see something.  Particularly YouTube.

All I wanted to see was the uncensored version of Rammstein’s “Pussy” (the song, guys).  Anyway, here in Amerika I get “copyright restrictions” all over the place.

Translation: Americans don’t want to watch hardcore music videos - even silly ones.

Yeah, well “Fuck You” and and the shareholders you rode in on…

(and I wonder why I’ve never gotten a promotion)

Anyway, a little ‘google-fu’ and I get to see it anyway.  Frankly, its silly all the way around (aside from the fact that there seems to be alot of fucking and suckin at the end of the video).  But then again, this seems certainly made to be silly to begin with.

So the current score is: Chaoz - 909,091; Internet - 0

BTW: for those keeping score at home:  I’m currently on beer … uh … let me check.  (checks frig) Well, there’s two beers left so that means I’m on beer #10.  Feh.  I remember when I could do 10 beers in 2 & 1/2 hours. 

My scientists at my “Shit Could Really Extremely Worsen” Department (SCREW, for short) are assigned a simple(?) task:  make me realize my life doesn’t suck as bad as I think it does.

With that in mind (and copious drugs on hand) they sent me this last night…

At least your life isn’t like THIS!

Holy crap.  Even Beethoven would be glad to be deaf…

Sorry.  JUST her balloons.  They are a nice set of balloons though (flower shaped too).

As you can guess, Kristin Cavallari is just shooting some pics as she was headed to a Fashion Week party in New York earlier in the week.  So basically, while working my ass off for 11 hours for 8 hours pay, this bitch gets to run around in a short dress while carrying a flower-balloon sculpture.  Nice.

And then They wonder why we snark them, eh??

Back in the day (waaaaaay back) there was this show on BET (Black Entertainment Television) called “Caribbean Rhythms” that was one of the few shows I’d watch faithfully on any channel.  Hell, I’d program my VCR to tape it.   Now, I ain’t black but I am Latino so this show was (before YouTube) the easiest way of listening to tropical music.  Still have those old tapes somewhere in the house.

Anyway, the point is that it was because of the show that I took my GF to go to the Caribbean - fuck if I have to charge the whole thing on plastic!!

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What was the point I was trying to make?!