CelebrityFIST!

She looks almost lifelike!!

Well, Cameron Diaz has a photospread in June’s Vogue.  Well, in this case; ‘photospread’ means ’someone took pictures of Cameron and then touched them up to within an itch of their laptop’s life’.  However, on the plus side they did do a good job because she still looks human and not CGI.  Still you can tell where some heavy work was done (e.g.: the torso pic with her in the hat; her face shows at least 4 points of alteration).

In reality, I can’t knock Cameron too much since she sucked a shitload of cock to get where she’s at (or at least been), so far be it for me to diss a cocksucker.  At least she knows what she’s good at. 

Okay, just a note that I’m back and back to ‘normal’ (which in this case means, inebriated and irritable).

Will be posting dreck shortly.  Thank you for your patience and patronage.

(shit, sounds like a Delta flight) 

My grandmother died Monday night so no posts yesterday and probably till Friday night. (more…)

Oh sorry, my bad - its the Kardashian sisters (well two of them anyway) - Kourtney and Khloe.  Or maybe Kim and Kenisha.  Or Krap and Klod.  Who knows?  Who cares, right?

Actually I kinda feel sorry for Khloe(?); I mean she’s 8 ft tall, weighs somewhere around 400lbs and “women on top” has probably been used as the Cause of Death on her lovers’ death certificates.  I can’t help but think that maybe her mom had a fling with the Jolly Green Giant or something.  Shameful and not tell Sprout he has a sister, tsk tsk!

Hey Pammy!  How’s it hangin’?

Here though?  More like the dragging back bumper of a Dodge Dart with a turned over odometer and rusted tailpipe dragging on the asphalt, occasionally making sparks behind it.

What?  It’s true!  Oh and me?  Um, er - rusted out 67 Cougar with a bad brakes and taped up steering wheel. 

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!!

SHE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THE HILTON SISTERS!!! 

The ‘Poker Face’ singer - who is well known for her eccentric clothing and party lifestyle - can’t stand the thought of life away from the public eye and wouldn’t be able to cope with normal life.

She said: “There are times when it can be a lot to deal with but always when I get up in the morning I try to find that very joyful place that reminds me that I would die if someone took it all away. If someone did that I wouldn’t be a person any more.”

But the eccentric star, who went to the elite Convent of the Sacred Heart School with Paris and Nicky Hilton, relishes the opportunity to be herself.

She said: “Right now the only thing that I am concerned with in my life is being an artist. I had to suppress it for so many years in high school because I was made fun of but now I’m completely insulated in my box of insanity and I can do whatever I like.” (ContactMusic)

Ye gods!  And a convent at that!!

What the hell?  Is it built on an ancient burial ground?  Perhaps the Necronomicon is buried there?  Maybe it was the former grounds of Miskatonic Tech?  Brrr!

Well shit, no wonder she’s mental.  She probably got picked on by the Hiltons and it fucked with her head.  Or maybe she got the Herp from them.  Who knows.  All I know is that apparently the mental virus that Paris has is airborne.  FUCK!

To hell with Swine Flu - we gotta stop the Paris Effect!!  I’m getting duct tape and masks right now.  See you later!!!

Who da man? HE DA MAN!

… ok, “drinking buddy” only in the sense that we both drink and I think we’d be buddies if we were in the same bar.

… ok, so he’s probably more like “THE MAN” than against “THE MAN”

… ok, you can’t really “keep him down” because he probably makes more money than all of us put together.

But otherwise that IS a true statement.

The point is that Kiefer won’t have to go to trial because he apologized to the pussy dude he headbutted a couple of weeks back.

Sutherland apologized to fashion designer Jack McCollough, who had claimed the 24 star broke his nose in a scuffle at a New York nightclub May 5.
“I am sorry about what happened that night and sincerely regret that Mr. McCollough was injured,” Sutherland said in a joint statement released to the Associated Press.
McCollough said in the statement: “I appreciate Mr. Sutherland’s statement and wish him well,” according to AP (People)

However, if know I Kiefer (and I don’t); he probably had his fingers crossed the whole time and once inside his limo, he cracked open a nice bottle of tequila, poured himself a nice tall shot, and drank while young naked nubile coeds annointed him with oils…

… whoops!  Sorry, got my daydream mixed up in there.  My bad. 

I’m trying to chill and shit hitting the fan at work (what else is new).   How do I counter?  Simple, Massive Attack.  This band (loosely termed since their lineup is continually changing) has made some of the best music around and you’ve probably never heard of them.

Well, now you have.  Enjoy.

SAFE FROM HARM (PERFECTO MIX) - not much of a video but just listen

UNFINISHED SYMPATHY - video is nice because its one continuous take (no edit in-between)

Oh yeah baby show me that pretty mouth!  Uh, you too Phoebe…

Meet Phoebe Price.  She’s a reality ’star’.  I think.  Or maybe a pornstar.  Or a net model.  Come to think of it, I have no freakin’ idea what she does.  Not a clue.  The only things I do know about her is:

1. She’s a redhead
2. She has freckles
3. I want to fuck her

Now, that said I’d like to pass on some advice to the intrepid photographer who I’m sure tried his best to get sexy poses from Phoebe while at Cannes:  Dude, when taking a picture; notice what’s in THE FUCKIN’ BACKGROUND!!!

There really isn’t too many ways to fuck up a bikini shoot.  At long as your model is some level of semi-hotness; you too can look like you take badass pictures.  But this?  Mmm, nope.  This shows that not only were you not able to afford to reserve someplace to take the pictures, but you also look like you’re taking pictures of your hot sister for your Myspace page - and that’s just wrong.

Ah, remember the fond days of yesteryear (last year) when Britney was going nutzoid and now she’s (semi-)coherent.  We were all terrified as to who would “step down” into the filth.  Well, “Leave It To Lindsay” Lohan to fill-in the void (pun unintended).  Apparently, not only is she back together with her lover Samantha Ronson, but she’s also possibly gonna convert and tie the knot (and no, not the one that they use with the bedsheets).

LINDSAY LOHAN is planning to convert to Judaism so she can marry on/off girlfriend SAMANTHA RONSON, according to a new U.S. tabloid report.
The high profile pair split in March (09) after a bust-up at a Hollywood hotel - but sources claim they have reunited in secret, and Lohan has even proposed.
An insider tells the National Enquirer the wedding talk angered Ronson’s Jewish family - so Catholic Lohan has offered to convert.
The source tells the tabloid, “Lindsay says Sam’s promised she’ll persuade her family to accept this, and they won’t wait to see if California changes their gay marriage legislation, but will travel to one of the states where it is legal to say their I do’s.” (ContactMusic)

I have to give credit to Lohan for at least being a sustained nutzoid.  Unlike, Britney who crashed and burned out pretty quickly (hair shaving, umbrella attacking, locked-up); Lindsay is able to drag out her neuroses and still able to take collateral damage (be it someone’s car, window, heart, etc.).  That’s the advantage of youth I suppose.  Nowadays, I’m lucky to sustain a 1-day binge, a couple of strippers, and a big Visa bill.

Now that I think about it - um… whatever happened to the RESTRAINING ORDER?  Amazing how minds can change after a “box lunch”, eh?
Here are pics of Lindsay’s Matt Jones photoshoot (I know, some dupes from previous posts but thought it was time to actually post the shoot in its entirety) - it was either this or a nasty looking Lindsay in torn jeans, ok?

(more…)