CelebrityFIST!

Just say YES to crack…

…

Ah, is there nothing finer (legally) than a teen and her thong?  … *sigh*

That reminds me, she stills has her website where she puts stuff she wore for sale online here.  Actually the link’s to a bikini set she wore (and it’s only $99!).

…

Look I may be a perv, but I admit and PROUD of it.  I still think she needs to sell her thongs, preferably the one in these pictures.  Just the way it must have ridden up her cro-

Oh my, time to up my medication dosage again.  Doctor!

Gallery courtesy of CelebSlam

Celebslam’s got a nice excerpt up of the new ‘tell-all’ book about Paris Hilton.  Six Degrees of Paris Hilton by Mark Ebner goes on sale next week and some of the stuff in the book deals with interviews of the guy who bought a shitload of stolen Hilton tapes and he basically spills the beans on whats on them.
I realize this sounds kinda lame but the excerpt is interesting nevertheless…

Paris and Nick Carter at the Las Ventanas resort in Cabo San Lucas: “The video opens with Nick holding the camera as Paris opens her luggage. She pulls out a huge ziplock bag full of weed. She flew drugs into Mexico. Unbelievable. Nick comments on how this tape muster never get out, and Paris says, ‘Yeah, the Paris Hilton Tape, Part Two.’ She breaks the weed down, and rolls a fat joint. They smoke for about ten minutes, go out to the pool, talk a little shit.

[Later,] Paris and Brandon Davis are approached by two effeminate black men at an MTV party who invite them to an event for singer/actress Eve’s new clothing line. Davis initially asks if there will be any women at the party, before they exchange phone numbers. Then, according to Darnell, “On the way to the the Jeep, Brandon says, ‘Stupid fucks,’ talking about the black guys, and Paris says ‘Dirty niggers,’ and they start laughing and jump into the Jeep. You could tell that Paris had tried to erase the tape, because that part had a blur in it, but the words were clear.” (Celebslam)

Now granted, this whole dumb-slut, pot-head, racist-bitch, STD-infested, fake-life, useless-piece-of-gelatinous-bile-in-human-skin act of Paris Hilton is nothing new.  However it’s always nice to read so that when the great revolution comes (probably sponsored by Nike), some little pile of bile will be first up on the wall.

… Well I can dream, can’t I?

I’ve got something she can climb upon…
Okay, we’re just gonna keep it simple today.  Introducing a new ‘feature’: namely ChaozBabes.

What’s a “ChaozBabe”?  That’s easy.  Pretty much anyone woman who I wanna jump.  See?  How hard was that?

… (’hard’ joke inserted here.  *snort* … ‘inserted’!)

So who gets to be first, well it’s Kitana Baker!  No special reason, saw her and grabbed her (gallery)!  Besides, the posts have been a little pic-thin so I’m trying to balance it out.  (Yeah, Ob I’m tryin!)  Anyway, pictures after the jump

(They are NSFW don’tchya know!) (more…)

Ah, her Ladyship.

Yeah I still have issues…

ANYWAY, um, seems Lily Allen is looking for a ’sugar daddy’.  Now, having had some personal experience at this at one time or another I can safely say I’m not rich enough for her (hell, she makes more than me!) but maybe YOU are!  So pull out those IRS forms cause Lily’s hunting…

She insists she’ll continue making hits for another four years and then she’ll get serious about settling down.
Allen tells Spin magazine, “Then (I’ll) try to find someone to fall in love with, have another go at having children, and move somewhere else. If I had a partner, I’d move now.”
And the singer is so certain about her ideal man, she could pen a personal ad to find him: “Slightly insecure and needy pop star seeks nice guy… Good sense of humour. Not a f**king retard. Rich.” (ContactMusic)

Hell, maybe if that Italian typhoon tychoon tachyion whatever decides to dump Geri Halliwell at least he always has a replacement ready!!

BTW, Geri?  Yeah … you’re gonna need kneepads now.

I went and posted the video above just for reference but the last few days it seems this has been making the rounds which is a video a heavy bearded Joaquin Phoenix apparently rapping, sounding drugged up, and then falling off the stage.  Honestly, I have know idea if that’s what happens in the video since I haven’t bothered to see it.

Which gives you the interest level I had in this.  It sounded like a mega-fake to me so why post it?

Well, stars and garters, if it wasn’t an elaborate hoax after all!  Gosh-o-roonie!  That Joaquin Phoenix is one slick puppy putting one over on … well, some idiots:

JOAQUIN PHOENIX’s rap career is all part of an elaborate hoax, according to the eccentric movie star’s closest pals. The two-time Oscar nominee recently announced he was turning his back on acting to follow his musical dreams, and he followed up the shock news with a zany three-song debut as a rapper at a Las Vegas nightclub.
During his performance on 16 January, which was captured on film by his actor brother-in-law Casey Affleck, Phoenix appeared to have a public meltdown before falling off the stage.
But pals insist the Walk The Line star knows exactly what he’s doing - and his performance was all part of an “art project”.
One close friend tells Entertainment Weekly magazine, “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.’
“It’s an art project for him. He’s going full out. He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.” (ContactMusic)

Yeah, this is about as real as Jackson/Presley kiss on MTV.  Now THAT was cringe-worthy let me tell ya!

I’m all for Joaquin quitting the flicks (if that’s INDEED what he wants to do, doesn’t sound like it).  Frankly, you wanna surprise me?  Stay sober and off drugs for the next 10 years.  THAT will shock me!

A little pic for a little mind

Scientologist model Bijou Phillips went off on a tangent about the dangers of psychiatrists medicating depression during a recent interview with Paper Magazine.

“My grandparents didn’t take any pills, and they were fine,” Phillips said in the February issue of Paper. “Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a f—king pansy.”

The budding actress frequents Scientology-sponsored events and spoke out against psychiatry and prescribing patients with medication for such mental illnesses as depression or anxiety.

Bijou?  Really?  You’re parents were fucking stoned outta their minds for most of their lives.  Your sister Mackenzie had the drug monkey on her back and YOU did enough drugs to keep at least several South American druglords in underage hookers for several years.

YOU are gonna talk about fighting off depression? …. BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Granted some people are just ‘down’, others are ‘blue’; but I’ve seen people with full blown clinical depression.  It ain’t pretty.

Bijou do me a favor and next time you open your mouth, put a dick in it okay?

Bonus - here’s how I prefer to see Bijou (mouth closed at least) HERE (NSFW).

Ka-CHING!

Well, it seems that another Spice Girl is off the market.  Yeah, I know; try to compose yourselves guys.  It’s tough but somehow we simply have to *choke* carry on.

Former SPICE GIRLS star GERI HALLIWELL is to marry her Italian boyfriend FABRIZIO POLITI after a whirlwind romance. The millionaire yacht tycoon proposed to the singer over Christmas - just weeks after the couple started dating - and the news has been announced via a statement from Halliwell’s management company 19.

The statement reads, “We are delighted to announce the engagement of Geri Halliwell and Fabrizio Politi. “As a token of their commitment to each other Fabrizio presented Geri with an engagement ring over the festive season. “There are no immediate plans for marriage as the couple are enjoying their engagement.” Halliwell, who has a two-year-old daughter, Bluebell Madonna, with British screenwriter Sacha Gervasi, has previously been linked to pop star Robbie Williams and Spice Girls backing dancer Ivan ‘Flipz’ Velez.

Well at least she avoided the ‘backup dancer’ trapped that snared Britney so well.  I’m wondering why her managment company is called ‘19′.  Is that her IQ?  Or perhaps the age she keeps insisting she is?  Or maybe the number of guys she’s slept with (after taking the square of it)?

Unlike Salma Hayek, who dumped her own tycoon a while back; Geri will probably make this work.  If only because she has not career to speak of right now.

Diane Kruger looking REALLY hot in this shoot from Elle UK (03/09)

Lindsay Lohan still looking very f*ckable in these candids

Paula Garces in a really intimate photoshoot!

and lastly Sandra Wild in an old shoot from ‘07. Enjoy!

Soon to be seen on Celeb Rehab 3…
I concede I like The Dolls.  Well, more to the point, my dick likes The Dolls.  Actually, I REALLY like the redhead (have I mentioned my fondness for redheads recently?).  Anyway…

It’s almost hard to believe how quickly these girls have fallen off the map.  I mean first they’re like everywhere but then Miley Cyrus does her jailbait thing and the Jonas Brothers do their annoying “Hansen” thing and the next thing you know The Dolls are stuck doing The Hills.

Kinda funny but what makes it really sad is that we’re still stuck with Miley and the Jonases.  BLECH!  XP