CelebrityFIST!

Right now, I’m still buzzing from all the egg nog I drank so I’m too tired to go over the latest insanity about Britney (something about sleeping with a pap or something). So instead of that hard hitting news I give you Britney’s nipples, which seem to have become bird-like since they want to fly south for the winter.

I don’t know how this sounded like even a likeable idea, but Kathy Hilton has decided to raise money for The Make-A-Wish Foundation by auctioning an invite to crash Paris & Nikki’s Party on New Years Eve.  On the plus side is a travel and a room is included.  The bad news is that Paris & Nikki are involved…

From the actual eBay auction page:

One bidder will win a trip to Las Vegas to attend Paris and Nicky Hilton’s New Year’s Eve Party at the club LAX.   The trip will include airfare for the winning bidder and a friend, a hotel stay at the Luxor Hotel and Casino, plus hair and makeup by Paris and Nicky’s very own hair and makeup artist, Michael Boychuck.

…

My first thought was “Boychuck or Boyfuck”?

It’s nice to see that a woman who has God only knows how many millions is auctioning off tickets that have thus far raised only $2880.  Yeah, real good.  Shit, she wants to make money; how about an offer to make a personal sex tape with Paris?  That would actually garner more money that this lame shit.

Hmm, how about “Hilton Foursome Sex Tape”?  Yeah, I’d actually bid on that.  Really.

In what can only be considered conclusive evidence of Jessica Simpson’s “star power”  *chuckle* :

Jessica Simpson may also have set a record at the box office. Her latest film, Blonde Ambition, co-starring Luke Wilson, took in just $1,190 over the weekend. True, it was shown in only eight Texas theaters, but that’s still an average of less than $50 per theater per day, meaning about six people showed up to see it in each location each day. On his TV Guide Online blog, film critic Ken Fox asked, “Doesn’t someone like Jessica Simpson have more than 48 friends? What about that big Texas family of hers? … Just how bad is this thing anyway?”(source)

The movie, which also stars fellow Texan Luke Wilson, was saved from the straight-to-DVD tag by film bosses at Nu Image and Millennium Films, who decided to give it a limited Christmas run. The executives were hoping the fact that both Simpson and Wilson are Texas natives would help give the film a boost, and possibly lead to more interest from cinema chains across America. The film will now be released on DVD in January, as expected.(source)

Of course, everyone’s been having a field day with the numbers trying to figure out EXACTLY how many people went.  In the end, it doesn’t matter (it’s a 198, in case anyone’s wondering, though); bitch gave birth to one of the biggest theatrical release bombs.  Ever.

No, it’s not the worst though.  That “honor” goes to Zyzzyx Road (2006) starring Tom Sizemore and Katherine Heigl.  That one made exactly $30.

All I can say is:  Jessica.  Dear.  Go back to what you do best:  sucking Daddy Dick.