CelebrityFIST!

Um, I’m not sure what she’s selling here. Coke? Cherry Coke (check the bikini pattern)? Herself?

You know what? I don’t really care - I’ll just take one of everything!

Well, I’ll take two Carmen Electra’s if they’re still in stock.

Vanessa Hudgens has a problem.  Not it’s not that she’s young.  Or that she’s hot.  Or that her naked body’s been plastered (and masturbated to) all over the world.  No, her problem is her boyfriend.  Or is that “girlyfriend”?

Though her hookup makes her the envy of teenage girls, Vanessa Hudgens isn’t thrilled with boyfriend Zac Efron. According to a report in Star Magazine, the “High School Musical” actress wants a little less metro in her male.

“She wants to date a man, not a little girl,” an insider revealed to Star. “Vanessa told (Zac) to stop being such a sissy and freaking out when he gets blemishes.”

The source went on to claim Zac nearly bailed on a birthday bash for Vanessa’s little sis, Stella, last month after spying an enormous zit on his cheek. “He just flipped out. He knew there were a bunch of girls at the party who worship him — and he didn’t want them all staring at his pimple.” (source)

She wants a man?  Shit, I’m a man. What she needs is a guy who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty.  One who isn’t always making sure his nails are clean. She needs a man who’ll come to her, rip her clothing off, throw her on the bed and fuck her like the bitch in heat he probably is.

And Zac?  Shit, he needs to go to prison.  Seriously.  Either it will make a man outta him or he’ll wind up being somebody’s bitch for a carton of Marlboros.  Anyway you look at it, problem solved.

Vanessa - call me, okay? 

Leelee Sobieski’s got pretty eyes:

Petra Nemcova looking delicious at Dolce & Gabbana:

Lindsay Lohan still looking hot:

Julie Stenger looking like Hooker-ella at the VS show:

And lastly, Sophie Monk: face looks wonky but tits look fantastic:

After making such a big splash in Australia at the Hooker’s Ball; the has-been A-list celeb Tara Reid is now trying to capitalize on her newly found hosting skills to turn a profit. Or maybe the promoters didn’t give her a return trip ticket, I dunno.

Either way, it’s not working.

It costs less and less to land Tara Reid these days. The blond uber-bimbo, who’s been partying hard in Australia, was trying to charge $25,000 to $30,000 for her appearances at clubs. But she had to drop her inflated price to a bargain-basement fee of about $3,500 when nobody would bite, Sydney Confidential reports. The surgically-enhanced sexpot was most recently seen cavorting for cash at the taste-challenged gala called the Hookers Ball in Darwin. Reid’s flack didn’t get back to us. (source)

$3500? That’s it? Well, okay Tara - but that has to include anal. And don’t mind the noise of that camera…

Actual booking photo

I give props for Kiefer Sutherland.  Just a few hours ago, he turned himself in and started serving his previously agreed to sentence.  Now, I’ve never watched a season of 24 (does he go to the bathroom or eat during those 24 hours?  Inquiring minds…) but not only has he volunteered to go in early.  Not only will he spend Xmas, New Years, and his birthday in the slammer; but he looks like he may actually have to spend 48 days in jail for a DUI arrest.

TMZ spoke with Glendale Police Chief Randy Adams, who said Kiefer will be treated “just like anyone else,” adding, “The fact that he’s a celebrity — he checked that at the door when he checked in.” Chief Adams said Sutherland will perform laundry and kitchen duties and will serve the entire 48 days consecutively. The Chief said Kiefer will not share a cell, but that is S.O.P. in Glendeezy because all “long term inmates” get their own digs.

Waitaminnit.  Lohan, Ritchie, and Paris spend like 5 days TOTAL for their various offenses but Kiefer has to spend 48 fuckin’ days for his second DUI?  Shit, two of these had coke on them!!  Obviously, Kiefer must be straight because unlike the three “Ho’migas” he didn’t suck any dick to decrease his time.

I’m now dying to see what happens to those three the next time one of them gets into trouble.  Until then, Kiefer is my new hero for fessing up and taking it like a man … uh, as long as he doesn’t drop the soap.