CelebrityFIST!

From Yahoo:

Former President Bill Clinton proved that not even the Queen of Spain could distract him from sitting beside his favourite actress Penelope Cruz.

Clinton was present at the Spanish Institute Gold Medal Gala on Park Avenue along with Vogue editor Anna Wintour and Queen Sofia of Spain.

According to socialdiary.com, Mr. Clinton was seated next to the Queen of Spain, on her right with Mr. Oscar de la Renta on her left.

To the left of Mr. de la Renta was Ms. Cruz, and to right of Mr. Clinton was Anna Wintour.

The main highlight of the evening was when former president eventually switched his seat with Mr. de la R so that he could be seated next to the movie star.

After being felicitated (I thought this said “fellated”! - UC) with a medallion from Queen Sofia, Clinton revealed to the audience that he has seen everyone of the Cruz’s movie.

“I was trying to figure out exactly why I would receive this award tonight. It may be because even though I’m not of Spanish descent, I’ve seen every one of Penelope Cruz’s movies - and I liked them all,” said Clinton.

That’s our Slick Willy … always looking to score. Score, Bill, Score!

Poor Amy Winehouse, when she’s not busy visiting her hubby in jail, threatening her fans, and singing incoherently, she’s usually busy smoking and shooting everything in sight sleeping. So it’s no surprise that she was walking around “muttering incomprehensibly” in the early morning London chill wearing only a bra and jeans, right?

“She was not on an all-night bender,” her U.K. rep tells PEOPLE of Winehouse’s appearance outside her flat at 5:45 a.m. Sunday morning.

Winehouse, 24, was sound asleep when she heard a noise outside. Having had friends over earlier in the evening, she wondered if one returned, according to the rep, who said: “She heard all these noises, and she went outside to look and there were all these photographers.”

The rep added, “She’d been sound asleep, and then there were all these photographers – of course she looked startled.” (source)

Look on the bright side, at least she had clothes on. Yikes!

I admit it - I wish I was Hugh Hefner. Yeah, yeah, he’s like 100 years old and needs Viagra to get it up anymore. On the flip side, he’s probably had more poonanny in the past year than I could in a lifetime in my dreams.

(Sorry, that was the best line I could come up with. Just the thought of that much pussy makes my mind go into vaporlock.)

So with that, I introduce our second look at the upcoming 2008 calendars: The Girls Next Door. These three are Hef’s “girlfriends” (or “fucktoys”, whichever you prefer) who have their own show on some cable network (don’t know which - I don’t watch it). All I know about them is that they’re young, dumb, and full of Hef’s cum…

Piper Perabo forgot something:

Marisa Miller looking hot/slutty at the VS Fashion Show

Kristen Bell in Complex Magazine (ooh, sounds ’sofistikated’)

I wanna fuck like Paz Vega. Then again, any actress who doesn’t mind grabbing a guy’s crank on film is okay in my book. That said, she manages to really look bad here. I’m not sure what possessed her to dress in this get-up because it does absolutely nothing but distract from her otherwise great body.

This is gonna sound “teh ghey“, but: The shoes look like slave sandals, her leggings are too high, the wrong half of outfit is missing, and her back looks like the entrance to a Korean massage parlor.

….

Who’s been putting female hormones in my pill bottles?!

I’m probably one of the 7 people on the planet that hasn’t seen Knocked Up yet. I’ve got it, just haven’t bothered to pop it in the player. However, it seems that Katherine Heigl was NOT exceptionally thrilled with doing the movie. She bitches in January’s Vanity Fair:

[A] little sexist. It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I’m playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you’re portraying women? (source)

Then perhaps realizing she’s not helping her case. She quickly adds:

Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie.

So it only 2% of not liking your job that made it hard to do?

Listen, bitch. You got $300,000 for the role. Now thanks to all the buzz from the film, you’re commanding $6 million for a movie? And NOW you wanna bitch about the sexism? In a woman’s magazine? Smooth. Last time I checked most guys in “chick flicks” are portrayed as assholes and the women are nurturing, caring figures. Yeah, that’s closer to reality, right Britney? These are films! Not documentaries.

Fuck you, here’s a FIST just for you! >POW!<

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