CelebrityFIST!

We here at Chaoz Central like asses.  Nice round ones that stick out.  The type ripple ever so slightly when you give a good healthy slap (but don’t wobble like melting jello).  You know the ones.  Anyway, Eva Longoria’s got one.  Now I realize she’s a midget, but if you think about it that means an average sized ass is gonna look smokin’ on her.

Plus you have to respect that fact that she knows exactly how to show it off - nice dark leggings.  However, points are deducted because she’s either got gigantic feet or they don’t make those boots in kid sizes and she just had to have them.

It should also be noted that she’s not wearing her gargantuan wedding ring in these pics.  Trouble so soon or maybe she’s afraid her hand will start dragging on the floor?

More Naked Preggo Pics From Christina Aguilera’s Marie Claire shoot:

A rant about and pictures of Lily Cole: NSFW (Drunken Stepfather)

American Mags Suck Reason #7,834: Hungarian Playmate Linda Kustanczi in Maxim Hungary (NSFW)

Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace in a barely-there black bikini

It’s nice to see medically-deformed, untalented, and generally irritating pains-in-the-asses finding their place in life. Take Tara Reid (please!)* - this celebrity (using the term loosely, like her vag) has apparently found a way of making money by being a professional hostess. She travels around hosting parties like the one in the Australian city of Darwin, appropriately enough. This one was a “Hooker’s Ball” that features:

And the racy flyer advertizing the 21st annual event suggests revelers can expect “bondage beds, fantasy, latex, porn stars, erotic dancers…”

Reid will be required to judge a wet T-shirt contest as part of her duties at the ball.

Event spokesman Guy Dunne insists the Aussie-loving actress was the perfect choice for the Hooker’s Ball: “It’s a very naughty night and an opportunity to put your inhibitions down. I believe Tara Reid and her people were very enthusiastic to come here.” (source)

Hmm. I’m sure my Aussie friends appreciate the fact that this “Hollywood A-Lister” managed to take time out of her busy schedule to judge a wet T-shirt contest. Ooh, how risque! Perhaps later in the evening she’ll light a cigarette or (gasp!) vote!!

You gotta love the fifth chin that Aretha Franklin is developing somewhere between her original chin and her massive chest.

I get the feeling she’s on the “D-List” diet. She eat’s a Tara Reid everyday for lunch and a Britney for supper.

“Raise your hands up and slowly step away from the plate…”

Ahhh, motherhood. Time in the life when a woman gives off a glow as if beaming from heaven as she nurtures the new life inside of her.

….Aw, fuck that. This is when the guy fucks up and buys his condoms at the 99 cent store. It’s when he realizes that he’s the father because no one else in their right mind would fuck this woman. She blows up like a balloon, eats for 14, wants the perfect baby shower with violins and champagne (never mind that she can’t drink) and reminds you why you never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place.

Which brings me to Jennifer Lopez. Or at least I think it’s her. She might be in a fat suit for a movie. I dunno, I can never tell. All I know is when I see these pics, I’m reminded of Weird Al Yankovic’s “Eat It” video. Also, I feel bad for her kid. I mean, Salma Hayek apparently has enough milk to feed a Third World nation and even Christina Aguilera & Halle Berry are lugging around milk jugs. But, J.Lo? Nope, she’s lucky if she’s got enough to fill one of those little milk cartons I used to get in school. I ALWAYS opened those from the wrong side!!! Shit.