CelebrityFIST!

You know what the big problem with doing a blog is for me? I keep getting distracted by all the pretty pictures. No, really. Face it, as much as I like to know how what Britney is fucking up this time; I’d much rather look at someone like Jennifer Ellison below. Why? Cuz I’m a guy! Duh. However, since some of these don’t warrant a single post, I’ll occasionally be dumping all together. I figure you won’t mind.

First, is Jennifer Ellison (according to Wiki) an “English actress, glamour model, television personality, dancer and singer”. But then explains this with the fact that “she is renowned for having a large 38DD bust”. Here, she’s out rollerblading and I’ll let you decide if they’re real or not:

Next up we have Lisa Rinna who is obviously seeking some attention since she’s kinda enough to open her top when she realizes the paps are around. Yo, Harry Hamlin, you better watch it - it looks like your wife is on the prowl!

Now we have our “unofficial” obsession Hayden Panettiere (hey, some blogs have Britney - I think you’d prefer seeing this one). Normally she’d rate her own post but there’s no skin. However, she is wearing some nice tight jeans so here she is!

Note to other blogs - look just because you can see her bra doesn’t mean it’s see-thru! it’s nipple or nothing people. Hell, even I know that!

Apparently, this Nadine Velasquez is in the NBC series “My Name Is Earl”. She’s probably the ONLY reason to watch it. Which means I’ll probably have to watch it. Yummy!

(Thanks to Lossip)

You and I both know that anyone THIS proud of her tongue has been using it.  ALOT.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s caught in the next year sucking someone off on Rodeo Drive.  In the afternoon.  On video.  In surround sound.

On second thought, someone just give her dick already!

When I give Xmas gifts to people I don’t personally know but are famous, I –

No, wait.  I’m not that retarded.  However … assuming I was that retarded and sent a gift to a celeb; it wouldn’t be Britney Spears.  Lindsay Lohan?  Maybe.  Scarlett Johansson?  Hell, I’d probably cut off my dick, dip in chocolate, and ship it to her if I knew she’d take a lick.

(Yes, I’m off my meds.  Again.)

Anyway - no, not Britney.  However, some maniac big-time fan sent Brit panties.  365 Panties!

(From The National Enquirer)

In a heroic bid to save America from BRITNEY SPEARS’ flash-y “commando” attacks, an anonymous fan mailed the knickers-challenged star a package containing…are you ready?…365 pairs of panties – one pair for every day of the year, along with an unsigned note noting that sexy undies are a girl’s best friend because they leave a li’l something to the imagination.

Bayou Belle cracked up, said an insider, and was astounded to discover that the panties were actually her size! (The note did NOT note the sender’s sex – but I’m guessing it had to be a gal, right?…Votes, please!)

The scary part is not that they were in her size or that she got 365 of them.  What’s scare is someone actually came up with the idea in the first place.  Man, you thought I needed my meds?

I would never want to live in the UK. It’s wet and damp. They drive on the wrong side of the road and most of them heavy intoxicated.

…Be kinda like living with Lindsay Lohan. :::rimshot:::

Of course, on that side of the pond, they have far cooler magazines than we do. While UK mens mags like Maxim show naked boobies everywhere, we get the heavily whipped version of the mag; emphasizing male fashion…

“Male fashion”? Talk about non-sequitors. Yeah, most women want to see their man dress up for them every once in a while. But the truth is that women want a guys who’s not afraid to get dirty, beat the shit out of the world for them, and fuck them like an animal every couple of days. Also, I hear cooking is a plus. They DON’T want a pussified male who’s afraid to do yard work for fear of chipping their manicured nails!

….but I digress…

Suffice to say, the mags are better than ours and we just need to deal with that. So with that I give UK Maxim’s “Girls of 2007″. Enjoy! (NSFW - after the jump)

(more…)

Um, Avril? Gee. How do I put this gently? Errrr…

No, Avril. Not close. Not even in the same ballpark. Hell, you’re barely playing the same sport!

Everyone, how about it?

One is the little Latina on “Desperate Housewives”. The other is the blonde Mighty Mouse on “Heroes”. One is sophisticated, seeking something more - forbidden.

The other is young & eager to learn, eager to please.

Eva Longoria. Hayden Panettierre. Separate, they are two of the hottest stars on television. Together, they are something more…

Lovers.

“Desperate Heroes” … only on FOX!

….

Well, that’s how it plays in my head anyway when I see these pictures. But then again, I lean towards midget sex anyway.

You can file this under “It was Inevitable”:

(via UPI)

U.S. actor William Shatner, who played Capt. James T. Kirk for decades on TV and in movies, is unhappy he won’t be appearing in the new “Star Trek” prequel.

“How could you not put one of the founding figures into a movie that was being resurrected? That doesn’t make good business sense to me,” Shatner told “Extra.”

While Abrams reportedly offered a small role in the film to Leonrad Nimoy, who played Spock for years in the franchise, the director hasn’t asked Shatner to do so much as a cameo, the New York Daily News said.

Jesus, Shatner. Face it: Kirk is FUCKING DEAD! Kaput. Deceased. Expired. Food for worms. Just like Lindsay Lohan’s career. You had a good run - hell longer than most and you’ve got enough money to retire for good thanks to those damn Priceline ads you did (and all the fucking stock they gave you). The last thing I want to see is a 90-year old man getting it on with some hot chick. Shit, if I wanna see a old man get it on; I’ll go on date!

Britney in 2002 (left) and in 2007 (right) - DAMMMN!
We all knew that Britney is nutty as a fruitcake after a walnut tree fell on it. We never knew why, though. Well, rather than leave that question unanswered the nosy nellies reporters at US magazine have found out why:

The whole family is bonkers.

Us has learned that Spears’ paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, in June 1966 committed suicide at age 31. Britney’s grandmother, who suffered from depression, shot herself in the chest with a shotgun at the grave of her infant son who had died eight years earlier just three days after being born.

A local newspaper article obtained by Us reported at the time: “The shotgun had been pressed against the woman’s chest and she apparently pulled the trigger with a toe of the right foot from which a shoe had been removed.” The newspaper reported that Emma Jean had attempted suicide three times before.

Emma Jean Spears left behind four other children, including Britney’s father, Jamie Spears, then an eighth grader. Two of Jamie Spears’ brothers ended up with criminal records and homeless.

Okay, so Britney has two strikes against her: 1) her grandma commited suicide, 2) her uncles are criminals. But at least she managed to maintain her virginity until she got married, right?

Wrong.

(L)awyer Eric Ervin, who worked with Spears as a teenager, tells Us Weekly in its new cover story that the “virgin” image Spears portrayed was, in his words, a “PR blitz.” In fact, Us reports in its new issue that Spears lost her virginity at 14 to boyfriend Reg Jones, and that she and Justin Timberlake were intimate from the beginning.

Then Splash News Online added this tidbit:

An insider tells the magazine that Jones, who is now 29, was 17 when he had sex with Spears. “She had to live a lie so long, and so did Reg,” the source said. “He was 17 when it happened. She was like 14.” Jones, who is a university graduate, told the magazine: “People around us pushed us apart. The agents and everyone would say that I was just a friend of Britney’s, and that’s when I had been dating her for three-and-a-half years, and they’d only known her for six months.”

Hmm, it’s moments like this that I almost feel sorry for her. But then I remember she doesn’t know how to take care of her own fucking kids despite earning $750,000 a month.

Fuck her — apparently everyone else has.